Saturday, June 14, 2014

emily, slayer of dragons.

i've noticed that dreams can shape how your whole entire day goes. sometimes your entire week.

sometimes your entire life!

that was super dramatic and probably not very true.

i've had some weird dreams. like, REALLY WEIRD DREAMS. i think i get it from my mother.

sometimes when we eat breakfast together she'll go on and on about her dreams for like, twenty minutes and my dad and i just kind of stare at her with our mouths open.

once upon a time my junior year of college, i auditioned for the alma choir. i really wanted to get in. like, really wanted it.

even now that i'm no longer a student at alma, i still want it. it's absurd.

i didn't make it in. i get to live vicariously through adam.

sometime in january, i had a dream that i made it into the alma choir and i went on choir tour with them. i spent all week with adam and sang in all of these cool places like the alma choir gets to. in the dream i went to scotland with them.

i woke up crying and it ruined the rest of my week.

i cried about it to adam. he told me that it was a lot of rehearsal and it wasn't always as fun as it seems from the outside.

i called my mother and cried about it to her.

she told me to let it go.


i tried. i didn't.

i still don't think i have.

i tend to hold onto things. i leave claw marks in them. it's really sad and i'm working on it.

last week i had a dream that i was best friends with jack crawford from hannibal. basically, i was besties with lawrence fishburne.


in this dream i was his son's swim coach and his kid had a bad race and i did my coaching thing and told him that everybody had bad races and it wasn't anything to worry about, that i was still proud of him.

apparently, this made the kid very upset and then jack crawford got really mad at me and proceeded to yell at me outside of my house until i cried. he went on and on about how i ruined his son's entire development and there was no way that i could ever make it right and i would never be able to see his kid again. and then he made me pray about it for an hour.

i woke up feeling guilty and i felt guilty all day.

like, why do things like this happen?


but last night i had a really kickass dream.

last night...


in the main part of the dream, i was fighting a snow dragon. don't ask me why. or how.

i was scared shitless and running through the snow with this huge dragon coming after me and i had a sword and it wasn't even that big of a sword and i fell in a snow drift and the dragon came stomping over me and i managed to slice its underbelly and it fell in the snow drift, not on top of me, thank goodness. when it came up it was suddenly blind, which is like, extra weird, but who i am to complain about my enemy being blinded while i try to slay it?

when it couldn't see me i totally slew it. which was awesome.
then the dream get extra weird when i went back to prison with a bunch of ladies from orange is the new black. they were super cool and like, dude you're the greatest dragon slayer ever and i was like meh it was just one dragon and they were like, DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'VE KILLED TWELVE DRAGONS INCLUDING SMAUG THE TERRIBLE!

so apparently i killed smaug the terrible, not the bard.


i woke up feeling like a really intense badass.


so much better than waking up crying about not being in the alma choir or feeling like i've ruined a kid's life.

i have an eight hour shift at kroger and i feel like i can take it on because WHAT UP I SLEW TWELVE DRAGONS LAST NIGHT.

this is such a happy feeling. i feel cuter. i feel stronger. i feel badass.

all because my dream was hella tight.

i'm also the mother of dragons, did you know?

and what a cute dragon he is.

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