1. college. i don't need to explain more.
2. i have another blogspot blog for my class and it's like, eighty million percent of my grade and since i want to be a professional blogger when i become a big kid and all that jazz, i devote a lot more time to it.
this blog is not very professional. it never will be. when i go to get my big girl job as a professional blogger, i'm going to show the people hiring me my class blog.
i mean, i suppose i can show them this one and be like, "look, i can be unprofessional on the internet!" but that probably won't help my cause.
but anyway, there's my apology. now we can move onto the point of this post, which is...
I WATCHED A SCARY MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME
a quick preface because you're thinking, "what the crap, emily, you're twenty-two and a half or something like that and you've never seen a scary movie? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU WEIRDO."
yeah, i think that too, it's okay.
but it's like, halloween time. and halloween is my favourite holiday EVARRRRR (even though jesus being born is like, the highlight of my life because i love jesus) and it's really fuggin' hard to celebrate it in college.
i mean, you can go out to the frats and dress up and dance with all your friends.
i don't do this for a number of reasons.
1. i don't have friends.
2. JUST KIDDING. but maybe not.
3. i'm poor and coming up with costumes is hard.
4. i do that weird thing where i'm a resident assistant? and i have to leave places with underage drinking. which is
5. ALL THE FRATS EXCEPT PMA.
so i don't go out very often because normally some drunk freshman comes in and i roll my eyes and go, "ughhhh really" and go back to my room and watch disney movies.
this year a small opportunity presented itself. it did not involve dressing up, which was sad, because i'm going as hipster queen lear.
that's right, folks. HIPSTER QUEEN LEAR.
i will wear a prom dress. probably six inch heels so i am impressively six foot three. a crown because queens wear crowns. and a sign that says, "chronologically speaking, my husband went mad before hamlet."
GET IT? GET IT? JAAAAA?
(i already have the hipster glasses. because i'm a hipster that needs corrective lenses. so i wear hipster glasses everyday.)
the opportunity that presented itself last wednesday did not allow me to dress up as hipster queen lear, but it allowed me to do a little bit of celebration of halloween. the PMA house was having a horror movie/event/thing that day and it started with meeting there to go to terror on 27, which is a horror house weird thing on highway 127, a highway that allows us to leave alma to go back to civilisation, like lansing.
one of my best friends, adam, loves shit like that. so he was like, DUDE EMILY LET'S GO
and i was like, HELL NO BRO YOU GO DO YOUR THANG AND I'M GOING TO WATCH THE DARK KNIGHT RISES AND EAT MAC N CHEESE ALONE IN MY APARTMENT.
which is exactly what i did.
after terror on 27, everyone was invited over to the PMA house to watch the shining.
me: i want to go but i hate being afraid and i hate scary movies.
adam: you should go anyway. i love the shining.
me: I HAVE TO CUDDLE WITH YOU THE WHOLE TIME
adam: that can be arranged.
me: IF I GET SCARED YOU HAVE TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN MY ROOM
adam: that can also be arranged and you do realise that all of campus thinks that we're dating.
me: it's not true friendship unless someone thinks you're dating. do you have any idea how many random people think that hannah and i are a lesbian couple when go out to lunch together?
but seriously, the whole campus thinks we're dating and it's pretty great.
HEY ALMA, WE'RE NOT DATING. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
so after i finished the dark knight rises and my mac n cheese, adam texted me at about ten thirty and he was like, WE'RE BACK and i was like, OH BOY and i grabbed my jacket (which is actually his jacket) and i ran to the PMA house and burst through the front door.
and i was confronted with an almost empty chapter room.
normally when PMA has movie nights like, seventy people show up, which is always super crazy. so sometimes you end up cuddling with people you don't know on bean bag chairs.
but there was pretty much no one there and i found adam on one of the numerous couches. and by numerous couches i mean like, there are thirteen. so i climbed up onto the couch, which was a literal climb because it's on risers and is probably five feet off the ground. and then they started playing the shining and i was terrified on the basic principle that it was the fuggin' shining.
if you don't know the basic premise of the shining, it's a stephen king novel from 1977, and that should tip you off right there because STEPHEN KING. anyway, it's about this gigantic hotel and some bad shit happened there awhile ago and it's full of ghosts and whatnot, and it's closed during the winter because of snow. so they hire a caretaker to just kind of... live there during the winter. and this dude named jack torrance and his wife wendy and their seven year old son danny move in and take care of it while jack works on his novel.
jack becomes possessed by the devil or something weird like that and slowly becomes mad. and danny, who's really cute, becomes possessed by his imaginary friend tony, and let me tell you, that's the scariest part of the movie because his mom is like, hey danny let's eat dinner and danny speaks in this weird voice and he's like, "danny isn't here right now mrs. torrance" and i was like, WHAT THE WHAT and wendy is like, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY and it culminates with a bunch of blood flowing down a hallway and some weird visions of dead girls and jack tries to murder everyone with an axe.
you know, here's johnny and all that.
|"I MADE A WHOLE IN THE DOOR WITH AN AXE SO I CAN KILL YOU, MY DARLING WENDY!" - jack torrance's inner monologue|
i'm sure you've seen this. if you haven't, there it is.
it wasn't all that scary, to be honest. there's a point where there's a beautiful naked woman in a bathtub and jack makes out with her and she turns into a really nasty old hag covered in sores and laughs this terrible little mermaid ursula laugh, but i pretty thoroughly hid in adam's hair during that part because i didn't need to see that.
honestly, the scariest part of the movie for me was the word TUESDAY, which sounds ridiculous.
the movie is broken up into chunks. so like, OCTOBER. TUESDAY. THURSDAY. ONE MONTH LATER. and the way the movie really works is through the totally dissonant and creepy music, and its lack thereof. (you know how sometimes you're watching a scary movie or TV show and then you're like, oh my god where is the music shit is about to go down? yeah that's totally a thing in this movie.)
so there's this creepy swelling music and you know that something bad is going to happen, like those dead girls holding hands in the hallway or something, but instead the screen goes black and it says TUESDAY and it appears with this loud hammer-like sound and i screamed.
and then everyone commenced to make fun of me because i was afraid of the word tuesday but i cheered when jack axed a dude in the chest.
it was very comforting being entangled in adam (i mean that quite literally, both of my arms were crossed oddly and we were holding both hands and somehow our feet were crossed in each other's) and having him whisper in my ear what was about to happen in the movie so i didn't shit myself or cry or both. because we all know that that probably would've happened to me.
it was also kind of awkward for other people that insist that adam and i are dating when we're not. so adam and i are entangled on this couch and we look like a third stage couple and i'm hiding in his hair and he's squeezing my hand and people are looking at us like, what even is your relationship
and to that we say INTENSE FRIENDSHIP.
back to the shining.
i live tweeted it. obviously.
i think this is the best of the live tweeting.
i had better tweets, but they really weren't appropriate to put on this blog (which let's you know they were bad), one of them being, "damnit mr. grady, unlocking the pantry and shit" because REALLY THAT WAS THE CLIMAX OF THE MOVIE. IF MR. GRADY HADN'T UNLOCKED THE PANTRY THERE WOULD BE NO AXE STALKING.
the shining is psychologically scary. like, it's kind of confusing because it doesn't really explain itself. you just have to go along with what's happening and realise that jack is going insane and that's why he's trying to murder his family with an axe and his wife is screaming and holding a knife and everything has gone to hell. but it's after the movie is done that you're like, well gee my life is scary now.
adam and i went back to his room to grab some things so he could spend the night in my room and keep me from wetting the bed and i was pretty much terrified of every single hallway on campus. because when i blinked, there could be dead girls covered in axe wounds.
long story short: i wasn't that scared during the movie, but boy was i scared afterwards.
me: i'm scared.
adam: why. i'm here. i'm manly and shit.
me: no you're not. I JUST LOCKED MY BEDROOM DOOR FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.
adam: you don't lock your bedroom door at night? what is wrong with you?
i mean, i lock my entire apartment door. but my bedroom door? nahhh.
i have decided that i want to watch the shining again. i know everything that's coming, including the word tuesday, so i probably won't jump and scream and embarrass myself in front of a bunch of guys.
new goal: watch the shining again (hopefully without having to be entangled in someone) and then i can ANALYSE IT.
because, you know, that's what i do with things when i like them. i analyse them. which my parents think is super weird.
aaaaand it probably is weird. BUT WHATEVER, I LIKE IT.
there might be a possibility of me going out somewhere as hipster queen lear. that would be sweet.
i'm trying to dress adam up as edgar allen ho.
who looks like this.
that's not adam. but i'm seriously trying to get adam to wear one of my black dresses and to get a stuffed raven or something. and it's gonna be awesome.
i'm not really sure how to end this.
HALLOWEEEEEEEEN WOOT WOOT!
be safe this halloween, kids. no dying.
(also, if i do dress up as hipster queen lear and adam dresses up as edgar allen ho, i PROMISE i will put up pictures.)