Thursday, August 15, 2013

so while i wasn't blogging i went to oregon and watched a lot of people get beheaded. oh, and i played my cello.

guys, it's been so long since i've blogged that when i clicked on my little blogger icon, it was like, WHERE YOU BEEN, LOG BACK IN, GURRRL.

it's been that long.

this post is going to be like, the mother post. the post of "the rest of emily's summer, which is really a month and a half because that's how long it's been since emily last blogged". so let's just dive right in, yeah?


so on july eleventh i was sitting in my room on tumblr and i just kept thinking, mannnn i need to pack. because my cousin picks me up in an hour and then i'm off to oregon with her, my uncle, and my grandma for my second cousin kyle's wedding, and have i actually decided on what i'm going to wear to that wedding? because i have like, eighty dresses.

it's twenty. but now it's seventeen because i got rid of three of them today.

so like i always do, i packed literally an hour beforehand and i managed to remember my pull n' peel licorice because i do not leave the state without pull n' peel licorice. and then my uncle is pulling up and my grandma's in the front seat and she's yelling at me that i didn't answer my phone and somehow we fit four suitcases and two carry-ons in the back of my uncle's car and we're rolling to indianapolis.

and yes, that's my badass avengers backpack. it'll come in later.

so we drive to indy, which is always a boring drive, minus the nestle bunny from hell that's about halfway between indy and fort wayne.

and i mean. it is a nestle bunny. from hell.

it is NOT okay at night. i mean, even during the day it's not okay. but at night it fuggin' glows, man.

we have a quick dinner at panera, which is never quick because we're with my grandmother. i love her with all of my heart, but as you will soon learn, my grandma can be very irritable, and she also can't walk very well because her feet have neuropathy.

so anything that we do with my grandmother is slow.

we spent the night at a pretty legit hotel that jessica (my cousin) found and we decide to swim in the pool even though it's outdoors, it's freezing, the sun has set, and there are about fifty sorority girls wearing strange dresses having some sort of secret meeting in the pool area.

i don't know why you'd want a secret meeting in the swimming pool part of an airport hotel, but there you have it.

the next morning we leave the hotel at four thirty. which means we got up at three thirty because my grandma had to do her make up. we get to the indy airport at like... five. dragging our luggage and stuff. we get my grandma a wheelchair. i'm handling two suitcases and my grandma's suitcase i swear has more stuff in it than my entire house has and all i can think is... starbucks.

we get starbucks.

we're atractive at five in the morning.

my grandmother scoffs at my huge starbucks and then we're boarding a plane and we get priority boarding because my grandma's in a wheelchair. awww yeahhhhh. perks.

our flight to denver is pretty boring. two and a half hours. i sleep against the window until some nights comes on my ipod.

have you ever noticed that when you purchase a song, it's like, EIGHT TIMES LOUDER THAN THE OTHER ONES?

so i'm listening to my top 25 most played and some nights is number five. number four is florence and the machine dog days are over and i'm just like, half asleep and then suddenly


so that happened.

we had an hour layover in denver where my grandma sat in her wheelchair and ate licorice with me even though it was only seven in the morning. while we were chowing down i look over at the bar next to us.

there's a dude. at the bar. at seven in the morning. 


we're in a small-ish plane. jessica and i don't get to board with my grandma so we get seats way in the back because we're flying southwest where everyone just kind of... boards wherever. we're way in the back. 

all of a sudden the southwest flight attendants come on the PA. it's some guy's birthday, his name is mike. and they're like, SING OR DIE, but really it was more like, "everyone sing mike happy birthday so we can take off to portland!' so we all sing him happy birthday. it turns out that mike is this really attractive guy sitting behind jessica and they present him with this huge botle of champagne. but it's hard to see him because he is so embarrassed that he has crawled under jessica's seat.

after they present him with the champagne and he's crawled out from under jessica's seat, he starts drinking it. at eight in the morning.

then, while the flight attendants are doing the final check of the plane, we hear barking and a woman screaming.


and this wasn't even the best part about the flight. our flight attendant was absolutely insanely hysterical.

"smoking is prohibited in all lavatories. if you break a smoke detector in the bathrooms, there's a thousand dollar fine, and if you could afford that, you'd be flying delta today. smoking is permitted on the wing; if you can light it there, you can smoke it there. in the case of a cabin pressure change, please use the oxygen mask. put yours on first, then help your husband. if there is a chance that we need to do a water landing, then we are probably lost."

when we landed she said, "welcome to the bahamas! unfortunately, it looks a lot like portland, oregon."

now, portland is one of my favourite cities. in fact, it's probably my favourite city in america. so i was stoked.

unfortunately, we drove straight through portland and south to salem, where my second cousin's family all lives. and we got to our hotel and i crashed.

my parents got the hotel after driving down from washington state around two hours after i did and my mom showed me all of their biking adventure pictures and we all took showers and got ready for kristin and kyle's rehearsal dinner barbecue... thing.

kyle is the second cousin, by the way.

so my WHOLE family and by that i mean my great aunts and great uncles and my other second cousins that are kyle's first cousins and my cousin and my uncle and my grandparents, ALL OF US, squeezed into rental cars and we went to this old cool barn mill place for the barbecue dinner and it was pleasant. we all got little name tags that said "hi i'm kyle's..."

my dad wrote "hi i'm kyle's first cousin once removed in law" and my mother hit him.

hanna is my second cousin. i don't see her very often, but we have a lot in common. we both go to a small school, we're both vocal feminists, and we're all about world peace. so hanna, jessica, and i kind of snuck off into a different part of the barn mill place.

and walked straight into a wedding reception.

we were polite and signed the guestbook.

the next day my parents and i took my grandpa's twenty year old truck, big red, to downtown salem and we walked around. it was super neat and fantastic. we saw a huge national guard shindig going down at the capitol, we ate at a very scary malaysian restaurant that had really good spinach pie, we went antiquing, we found the river and a motorcycle rally, and walked through willamette college.



i was stoked. i'd been waiting for this wedding for like, two years. seriously. we all had been. so we all took showers and got fancy.

then my mom was like, "emily i can see your underwear through that dress" and i was like "why do bad things happen to good people" so i had to wear my backup dress, the one i didn't really want to wear. 

then we crammed in the back seat of my great uncle's rental car and we drove out of salem to a beautiful vineyard for kristin and kyle's wedding.

i think i could get married in an oregon vineyard, don't you?

we sat in the second row and i took the greatest picture of my grandmother in the history of existence.

i mean, that's my mom. and her mother.
that look on my grandma's face was pretty much permanent the rest of the trip.

kyle and kristin's wedding was short, sweet, and beautiful. when kristin walked down the aisle, kyle cried and then i cried because let's face it, it was such a beautiful moment.

and the guy who married them was also totally one hundred percent HOT.

all in all, it was a ten minute wedding. and it was absolutely gorgeous.


then the reception started. awww yeahhhh.

the food was delicious. we managed to squeeze most of the family at a round table and we all enjoyed the espressor bar. the dinner music was absolutely perfect. and by perfect i mean it was like, mumford and sons and regina spektor and florence and the machine and bon iver.

it was so perfect that i actually stopped eating to go find kyle and congratulate him on his musical tastes. to which kristin responded by hiking up her huge wedding gown and saying, "that's my taste in music."

i wish i could do the evening justice, but it was honestly a blur of good food, great music, family, and dancing. 

it was pretty awesome. 

the next day myself, my parents, my grandparents, and jessica and her dad had a nice hotel breakfast and then we loaded ourselves into big red (my dad and my mom and me all squeezing into the front) and the rest of us into our rental cadillac, and we headed for the oregon coast.

if you want to know what sitting in the front of the truck was like, it was like this.

and this.

my mother is a most beautimous creature.

after driving for an hour, we found the oregon coast. you'd think it would be like, AHHH THE PACIFIC OCEAN. SO WARM AND SUNNY AND GORGEOUS.

uhhhh no.


i was wonderfully reminded of england. and also of how freakin' cold england is.

but eventually the sun came out, so that was legit.


we drove down coastal highway 101, which was absolutely GORGEOUS. like, seriously, you are legitimiately driving down the pacific coast. it was fantastic. 

and of course, we went to the aquarium in newport.

i love aquariums. i love sea creatures. so for me the aquarium was this big thing of me being like






it had one of those underwater tunnels with SHARKS AND THERE WERE SHARKS AND I WAS VERY HAPPY OKAY.

after spending a good three hours at the aquarium, we continued down the oregon coast and eventually turned off to go to eugene, a large college town where we were spending the night. eugene is home to one of two voodoo doughnut shops in the entire country.

i have been to the one in portland. jessica wanted to go. we decided to go.

when we reached eugene, there was nowhere to park and i could hear my grandma complaining (like she'd been doing for the past four hours) all the way from the other car, so we went to our little seedy hotel ten miles out of eugene and my uncle filled up the cadillac with gas and took me and jessica to voodoo doughnut.

and that was where the fight happened.

the three of us were sitting outside of the famous doughnut shop and admiring how many homeless people eugene seemed to have and we were watching a homeless lady play the ukulele and sing with her friend and her dog. (well, he dog wasn't singing. and all the homeless people had dogs. it was rather strange.)

her dog wandered into the street and she dragged it back and began to hit it. like, no joke, she was beating up her dog. and i was going to say something, but this lady stopped walking and was like, "uhhhh what are you doing?" and then they got into this HUUUUUGE argument and it eventually ended up with this crazy barefoot lady yelling "GO BACK TO PORTLAND YOU FUCKING YUPPIE"

and that was when we decided to leave.

we got up bright and early the next day for a four hour drive to crater lake national park where we had a cabin. the drive was rather boring, but my mom and i ate licorice and had coffee and we talked about all kinds of things and we reached the park in no time. we drove down a nice straight road and we pulled over at a picnic stop with a little sandy slope. so we climbed up the slope.

what was on the other side of the slope?


to learn about crater lake and how it was formed and whether or not it has mutant fish in it, click here.

we had a picnic lunch and jessica and i peed in the woods because bathrooms in national parks aren't often found, we went to the rim village and took lots of pictures and took a few small hikes and drove most of the way around the lake before settling into our cabin, which was like, a thousand years old.

i mean, a hundred.

that's jessica.

after settling in and having a nice meal, all of us except my grandma drove back to the rim for a sunset hike that hiked up one of the mountains to a fire safety cabin place. and i took about eighty million pictures. and the ranger who guided our hike was super cool and pointed out all kinds of super legit plants and stuff and i asked him how you become a ranger because that's what my brother wants to do and then we just stood at the top of the tower and looked at crater lake with the sun going down.


so that was pretty dope.

the next day we spent the morning driving around the other side of crater lake and looking at phantom ship (the thing above is wizard island) and we went to the highest point from the lake.

which looked like this.

that's phantom ship.

basically, if you haven't been to crater lake, oregon...


after a picnic lunch, we split ways. my parents and my grandpa clambered into big red and spent another day at crater lake (and then drove three days back to indiana) and jessica, my uncle, and my grandma got in the cadillac and drove six hours to portland to spend the night before we flew home.

portland is still my favourite city.

ahhhhh nothing like a nice instragramed photo of portland.

we stayed at a hotel that had a TV in the bathroom, which goes against my sensibilites as someone who has five TV channels total (and a VCR) and i stayed with my grandma, who was very happy that we weren't off roading it in a cabin. 

at twelve thirty in the morning someone knocked on our hotel door. so of course, i jumped out of bed like a ninja and it's this weird dude standing outside and he says something that sounds like, "sjdghkjsdfhgsdkjhgdsg."

and i'm like, "bro say what?"

and he's like, "I HAVE YOUR TOWELS"

and i'm like, "WE DIDN'T ORDER ANY TOWELS"

and my grandma is like, "GO THE EFF AWAY I AM AN OLD LADY"

and that was pretty wicked.

in the morning, while i was getting ready, an old couple kept trying to key into our room. and jessica heard then and came outside and was like, "why are you trying to get into my grandma's room?"

and they were like, "this is obviously my room" so i stuck my head out of the door and said "obviously not" and i think i almost gave the woman a heart attack.

after an interesting breakfast in which i'm pretty sure the waitress put a picture of my grandmother in her mean girls burnbook for rudeness, we went to the portland airport and i got my giant starbucks. while i was sitting there drinking it and reading paper towns for the eightieth time, i noticed a little boy next to me with curly blond hair. he was whispering to his mom and she said, "why don't you ask her?"

little boy: do you like spiderman?
me: he's my FAVOURITE superhero!
little boy: me too! he's on your backpack!
me: yes he is! why is he your favourite superhero?

the flight to las vegas was totally and completely boring. jessica was really excited that we were landing in vegas. i was excited because i'd never been to nevada and it checked another state off my list.

let me describe the vegas airport.

hilly. bright. obnoxious. loud.

slot. machines. are. so. loud. and. i. wanted. to. burn. them. all. to. the. ground.

but while i was buying lunch, i saw an elvis impersonator, so that was cool.

we flew forward in time back to indy and landed around eleven at night. the guy was the pushing grandma's wheelchair was really into medieval fantasy and we had a pretty hardcore conversation about game of thrones. we reached the hotel by midnight to get to our car and we found...

a gigantic sparkly birthday card on the windshield. i shit you not.

i made it safe and home in bed by four. and got up for work at six thirty.



it's august. i mean, it's halfway through august. the ides of august. which means i've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get everything i need to get done... done before i go back to alma on saturday.

i've gone to the bank about eight times in the past two weeks. the bank tellers keep noticing and commenting on how i wear different shoes each time.

i FINALLY got estlin fixed (estlin is my cello). i had a minor breakdown in the parking lot picking him up yesterday because there were a lot of cars in the parking lot and i wasn't mentally ready to deal with people. i had spent all morning getting ready to simply go to the music shop, and i didn't want to deal with more people than i had to.

when i finally got out of my van and got estlin home, the first thing i said was, I MUST LEARN THE GAME OF THRONES THEME

this is me attempting to be cute while playing estlin.

so the game of thrones theme sounds like this. if you didn't know. actually watch the video too because it's badass as hell.


well the music was like... super hard. and cray. ya know. so after an hour i kind of like... curled up underneath my bed.

i've found reasons to go to target about six times a week to buy stuff like new shoes and picture frame hanging devices that i can't remember the name of, i've been baking furiously with hannah who is now my wife, i've been absolutely refusing to pack until the last minute, and today i went through my closet to get rid of old clothes.

i found a really pretty dress that i wore to a wedding seven years ago and it fits. unlike my junior year prom dress, which i put on the other week to help with stress because i wanted to feel pretty and all bridal-ish. man that zipper did not want to zip up and it significantly lowered my self-esteem.

i also found a hooker dress and i'm saving it. for something.

i've also been furiously getting my poetry portfolio ready to submit to a national poetry contest. i was up until one this morning getting it ready. i finally submitted it today and i didn't puke.


(like, if i win this poetry contest, i get a bunch of money and my own poetry book. so that'll be neat. and not at all terrifying.)

i still have a list that's like... eight million things long that i have to do.

number one on that list is to finish the last two episodes of season two of game of thrones.


so we got my dad the second season for his birthday. i have eight days to watch ten episodes. and i've been live tweeting them mercilessly. so just stay away from my twitter. i don't know why you would want to follow me anyway because i tweet about pointless nonsense all the time. there are still two hundred and seventeen of you valiantly following me, and i give you the maddest props EVARRR.

there are so many more things for me to do. like, i need to clean. and do my laundry.

and actually pack up all my stuff to actually move into my apartment in actual alma in actual michigan to start my actual senior year off with actual RA training.

thinking about this is making me need starbucks.

um... i'm sorry about this post being really long. 

but i took a really badass vacation. 

and i've been spending a lot of time watching game of thrones and avoiding my real life responsibilities. like blogging.

see you on the other side of RA training, bro.

this is me saying bye to you.

post script: when i submitted my poetry to the poetry contest, i had to write a bio for myself and i'd really like to know what you think of it.

Emily Hollenberg is an aspiring poet, novellist, and professional blogger, an English literature major, and attempted world traveller. In her spare time, she enjoys reading Harry Potter over and over again, attempting to play the cello, and watching The Lion King. Her poetry and short stories have been featured in See Spot Run Magazine and her poetry was chosen to be presented at the Sigma Tau Delta English Honourary's 2013 National Convention in Portland, Oregon. She hopes to one day be as cool as her Tumblr page.


let me know, my faithful readers.

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