Thursday, September 17, 2015

the great debate.

buckle up kids, it's time for...


this is gonna be great, because here are my two political qualifications:

1. i once sat in a pub in england and raged about the government with a bunch of peers while slightly drunk
2. i took a political science class in college once

what this post is is really an excuse for me to blog about last night's GOP debate. NOT like it hasn't been all over your twitter and facebook feeds all day or anything. (in fact, i read a lovely new york times article about it online this morning that i don't think i can top in terms of absolute disdain.)

i missed the first debate because it was on fox news. i was at my parents' house (THAT'S RIGHT, I MOVED OUT SINCE MY LAST POST) and my dad was like, "you know i'd probs pay to watch it" and i was like, "i would but i can't afford that shit" and he was like "ahhhh to be young and broke."

my TV solely exists to hook up my computer to netflix and to use my DVD player, so when i got home from work last night and i saw that people were tweeting about the debate, i went to and live streamed it.

and of course, i live tweeted it. i haven't lost any followers yet, which is quite surprising. (@emily_hollers. hit me up.)

in terms of political affiliations, i'm so far left that i'm exiting being pursued by a bear.

shakespeare understood my liberalism.

so this leads me to a question you probably have: why would an angry feminist liberal that supports bernie sanders watch the GOP debate?

free entertainment.

i've long since lost my amusement for donald trump. i missed the first part of the debate where he just stood around and yelled insults at the other candidates, and that was probably good, because i would've gotten angry a lot faster than i did. (i got angry when huckabee started talking about kim davis.)

you see, donald trump was funny. but then suddenly he has a lot of supporters. these supporters don't think he's funny. they think he has the right idea.

that is not funny.

sorry if you're a trump supporter. like, i'm sorry for probably insulting you, and i'm sorry that you're actually a trump supporter.

trump is bigoted, racist, misogynistic, disgusting, and has absolutely no experience. when talking about foreign policy, he had absolutely nothing to contribute. i don't know much about foreign policy, but i'm pretty sure that you should know the president of iran's name while we're in the middle of making nuclear negotiations with them. and that's just the part about him where he doesn't know shit about negotiating with other countries, not the other parts where he hates women and anyone who's not white.

an america with trump as its leader is an absolute laughingstock to other nations, and an absolute nightmare for us. as jeb bush helpfully pointed out, deporting 11 million people that, contrary to popular belief, are critical to our country's economy and culture (whether they are illegal or not) would cost billions of dollars that we don't have and completely rip this country apart. (rubio had a lot to say about immigration reform and it was actually great.)

i never thought i'd see the day when i would agree with jeb bush, but i agreed with him twice. first on that point, and second when he said that cancelling a dinner with china's president wouldn't actually change anything on a global scale, because after all, it's a dinner.

in my humble opinion, carly fiorina stole the show. every time it was her turn to speak she sounded like she knew exactly what she was talking about (most of the time she didn't but it sounded good) and she didn't let trump get under her skin. she completely shut down his misogynistic remark about her looks in a rare GOP feminist moment and i whooped.

i was also like, really confused about carly fiorina, because everything that came out of her mouth i did not agree with whatsoever and it was completely inaccurate according to, (except the trump remark) but the way that she said those things and looked into the camera was like, YAAAAS GURRRRRL.

her speech about foreign policy was amazing. was it accurate at all? nah. was it a good policy? absolutely not. did she deliver it well? ABSOLUTELY.

i summed up fiorina's foreign policy argument about putin in one succinct tweet: "don't talk to putin, just send a bunch of troops to the balkans, it'll be fine."

her speech was full of "they didn't do this. i will. they didn't do that. i will."

i don't know if these people understand how the presidency works. they're always complaining about how obama never gets anything done, but he doesn't get shit done because house and congress republicans won't let him. ted cruz (with his smug face that makes me want to drown kittens) stood there and was like "YO IF YOU ELECT ME, MY FIRST DAY AS PRESIDENT I WILL PERSONALLY SHRED THE IRAN NEGOTIATIONS WITH MY OWN BARE, WHITE, MALE HANDS"

like, dude? you have three branches of government to go through? and like, congress and the house and whatever? and lots of people and vetoes and stuff? like, i don't know much about politics but i'm pretty sure you can't just walk in your first day in the white house and rip up a bill.

thank goodness some of the GOP candidates agreed with me. like kasich, who i tried so hard to like.

when it comes to the GOP candidates, kasich is the most moderate and he's relatively close to home, governing a state just twenty miles from my apartment. we actually agree on a few key issues (THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME WITH REPUBLICANS) and he's very levelheaded. he said straight up that shutting down the government to defund planned parenthood would just rip the republican party to shreds. i was rooting for him so hard until he was like "i think we can agree that most of the american population doesn't like planned parenthood."


now i got to sit back and listen to a bunch of white men discuss my own healthcare. wow, i sure wish that white men could ALWAYS make decisions about my uterus.

first off, that video that fiorina was practically crying  about and calling clinton a murderer over... well... that's not actually a thing. it's doctored. we can agree on this. and it's certainly not from planned parenthood.

the GOP candidates, at least the ones that voiced their opinions, latched onto this video and decided right then and there that planned parenthood was all about abortions and harvesting foetal organs.

it's not. here's what planned parenthood actually is:

notice that three percent of that is abortions. and i know that these people aren't into contraception, but you know, contraception reduces abortions phenomenally. still waiting for hardcore republicans to figure that one out. planned parenthood is a VITAL organisation for millions of women nationwide.

ted cruz: i am a proud supporter of life.
me: not the lives of millions of women who need life saving services, tho

then the conversation switched to kim davis.


here's how that went down:

jeb bush: being gay is like, not natural, i think?
mike huckabee: blah blah something something ACCOMMODATIONS blah blah THEY CAN'T REDEFINE MARRIAGE ON A WHIM blah blah something whatever  I'VE BEEN TO GITMO blah blah blah ATTACK ON CHRISTIANITY
me: puhhhh-lease.
me: wait, what the fuck did you just say?
me: well if you don't want to redefine marriage, my current dowry is 14 cows, 8 chickens, and 4 sheep.
me: the marriage decision didn't come out of nowhere and nobody is attacking christianity, people just wanna get married.
me: i still have no idea what the fuck you said about guantanamo bay, tho

in case you think i'm kidding about my dowry. (i was also watching pirates of the caribbean during this conversation. obviously.)

after that, to calm myself down, i had a really good time looking at the gigantic airplane in the background. like, what on earth was that? why was it there? was it is real? if it was, how did they get it to fit in there? symbolically, what did it mean? was it waiting for them to climb aboard and fly off with the candidates to shoot them into the sun?

it was around this time that the camera panned to ben carson, WHO I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HAD BEEN THERE THE ENTIRE TIME.

poor ben. i don't know that much about him, mostly that i don't agree with his views on social issues and that he was at alma and i saw him in the dining hall. i'm sure he's an excellent doctor, but apparently not excellent enough to completely shut down trump rampaging about vaccines causing autism. that's an entirely different post in and of itself and i'll spare you my thoughts on that.

because i work early in the morning, i had to go bed before the putting women on money fiasco, in which all of the white men and the extremely privileged white woman who doesn't think she needs feminism failed to name historic women, but i recapped that whole segment this morning.

a few said rosa parks, which is an excellent choice. but ted cruz has no idea what he's talking about when he said that she remedied racial tensions. has he not been paying attention to the #blacklivesmatter movement?

probably not, because he's an #alllivesmatter person. ugh. (honestly, he can't even be an #alllivesmatter person if he defunds planned parenthood. he can be an #allfoetusesmatter person.)

(also, rosa parks was on the planned parenthood board. i can't wait until cruz finds out.)

people saying relatives to put on the bill is like, a cool gesture? but it's also really stupid. i'm sure that mike huckabee's wife is a hell of a woman to be married to him for forty-one years (i can't even IMAGINE) but like... think of historic women. you know, women who helped the country. i'm honestly frightened that these men cannot think of a historic woman. it's very reminiscent of romney's "binders full of women" line on the 2012 campaign trail.

fiorina's stance was the weirdest twist on feminism that i've ever heard, something along the lines of "it's just a gesture and women are a majority of the population". only one of these is true, and that's the latter. women are a majority of the population but we are treated as a minority and definitely lesser in society than white men (but not men and women of colour, as intersectionality will note) and it would be nice to have something for us. and it's not just a gesture. it seems like a gesture, but representation is a gigantic deal and has a huge impact.

the other day i was looking at a periodic table of american authors and it was very white and male. as a woman who has wanted to be an author since the age of five, the lack of women on that poster was highly discouraging, just as science and presidential posters depicting all men help girls decide that they don't want to go into science and politics.

there's a lot more that i can touch on, like jeb bush saying that w. kept the country safe while 9/11 happened on his watch, trump saying disgusting things about america being an english speaking country, chris christie blaming the economy on obama (which we know was bush's fault because it tanked before obama was even president, learn how to read a calendar) and calling fiorina and trump out on their little kid bickering, and jeb bush apologising to his mother for smoking weed. but this post is already getting really long, so i'll cut it off here.

i'll leave you with a picture of an angry old man, who's probably a republican.

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