Wednesday, January 4, 2012

punch, kick, here's your new chair!

so today is one of those days where i blog about my day.

my life is interesting. at least i'd like to think it is. which is why it's okay to blog about.

my life could be something like this:

1. today i woke up.
2. i ate breakfast.
3. i then had a criminal minds marathon until lunch, and then a chuck marathon until dinner.
4. then i spent hours and hours online on my various social networking sites.
5. i want to watch matthew gray gubler on the craig ferguson show. but i am too afraid to go into the basement alone in the dark at one in the morning.

i have had days like these. (ahem. yesterday.)

but today i had a very interesting day, and i deem it blog post worthy!

so today i woke up. late. like, almost going on noon late. but that was fine with me, because i had plans to go chair hunting, and i didn't feel like waiting around for that to happen.

here's how the chair hunting came about. i've had this pod chair for like, eight years. to make it comfy, i have a special array of pillows on blankets on it. so many blogs have some from this chair. novels. poetry. anything computer related comes from this chair.

sunday night, in the middle of watching a very potter musical, i was suddenly sitting on the ground.

emily, our intrepid life blogger, needed a new computer chair.

so my friend vince from high school (this is vince of the vomit incidents from last post. we never get dairy together anymore.) tells me that we can go chair shopping today. it'll be an adventure. i agreed. i've spent the last three days sitting on the floor with my laptop. it hasn't been the greatest thing for my ass.

so he came and picked me up at one. we got into my dad's almost fourteen year old minivan, put iron and wine in the CD player, and we ventured to goodwill.

and once there, there was this GLORIOUS pair of puke green armchairs. forty bucks each. i had christmas money. these chairs were fabulous. but i was looking for a pod chair, not a seventies armchair. so we decided that we would check target and if there was nothing there, we'd come back and get the puke green chair.

we drove to target. almost got in a car accident. upon entering the target parking lot, there was a cart sitting in the middle of the entrance. i dramatically screamed and veered around it. when i parked, i was about to go be a good civilian and put it back, but somebody in a creeper van got to it first. i really shouldn't hate on the creeper van. after all, i was driving my dad's minivan, which my brother's boyscout troup named "the crimson avenger" back in middle school. my high school marching band adopted that name my junior year of high school.

we wandered aimlessly around target. looked at an expensive leather chair. discussed the toothbrush holder that jacob and i have picked out in case we get married. found nothing that resembled my old computer chair.

alas, i had gotten my old chair at kohls. we drove to kohls. did not almost get in a car accident. but i didn't trip a green arrow and i shouted spanish obscenities and random nothings at the light. it was exciting. i like to yell.

once in kohls, an old man told us that vince's watch couldn't be fixed right away, and once we were upstairs, i found a beautiful monkey sheet set.

no chairs.

office depot was next. that went something like this.

office depot employee: can i help you?
me: yes, i'd like a computer chair.
me: back to goodwill.

once back at goodwill, we stared at the pair of chairs. one had a scary stain that looked a bit like vomit. i sat in the other one. bounced in it, because when i get excited by anything, i bounce and jump up and down. we turned it over and checked its innards. it was a solid chair.

i bought it for forty-two dollars and eighty cents. a nice employee struggled it to the back of the store and i picked it up at the donation loading dock. once vince had managed to pick it up, i couldn't get the trunk to the crimson avenger opened. i later found out this was because my father had already unlocked it and i had relocked it. go me.

we got the chair to fit in the van. we drove home. we managed to get it into my kitchen. then my mother looked at it and said, "euw, what is that?"

me: mother, this is my new chair!"

she sat in it. she loved it. and then told me i could reupholster it before i get my own apartment.

my dad and vince got it upstairs. i then showed vince the beauty that is dr. spencer reid saying, "this is calm, and it's doctor". then i took some febreeze and sprayed the crap out of it.

oh yes. my new chair.

but this blog post doesn't end here! oh no, there is more to my day than just chair adventures.

so my mom has decided that she wants to turn her life around. i'm not sure what she needs to turn around, because she's absolutely wonderful in every way shape and form, but she has decided to dabble in three fitness classes. one of them is at her sister's dance studio. my cousin, my mother, and i ventured there for zumba last night. now, i am a zumba veteran with a fourteen week zumba class under my belt, and it did not meet up to my standards.

today we went to this thing at the YMCA called turbo kick. my father endearingly calls it turbotax. we figured it would be like kick boxing. it would be fun.

so my mother and i show up and the instructor is all like, "who's new?" and we raise our hands. she then laughs and says, "wow, not many people admit that." then she turns on this techno music. and the hell starts.

i am not afraid of hard work. i am (was) a collegiate athlete in the longest sports season of the year with the hardest sport. i am in shape. i understand how hard work goes. but i was not expecting this at all. i was drenched in sweat in five minutes.

these women are kicking and punching like the end of "i'll make a man out of you" in mulan. they know the routines. kick punch spin jump kick punch punch punch lunge go go go! faster faster faster FASTEST!

and that's when i realize how uncoordinated i am. my mother is more uncoordinated. i'm trying to punch the right way, and by the time i get it, these women are jumping the other direction kicking at everything. the lady next to me is practically kicking me in the face. i look at my mom for a fraction of a second while doing some form of upper cut and her eyes say this: what the hell did we just do.

it was a fantastic work out. i will give it that. i sweated a lot. i was out of breath. i drained my water bottle. the instructor kept smiling at me while i fumbled around trying to kick and punch at things, and her smile was a little too telling: you have no idea what you just got into. to make matters a bit worse, this girl in the front must have been some super-hybrid dancer/gymnast, because she was leaping and punching and generally defying the rules of gravity. during my fourteen week zumba class, i felt like how that girl looked while doing zumba.

but i probably looked like the idiot that i am. that's okay. zumba was amazing fun.

we were so tired and sweaty and embarrassed after that workout that we walked around the track. my mother kept saying, "we'll just walk until i stop sweating!" while we tried to stop perspiring, my mother enthusiastically talked about how she was so excited about this class and eventually she'd become coordinated and get all of it down.

me: i ain't goin' back. nuh uh.
my mother: you should transfer to IPFW and go to all these fitness classes with me!
me: fuggetaboutit.

i will stick with zumba. at least i know i can semi-reasonably dance. or pretend to. when i go back to school on saturday, i will have to ask my mother how turbo kick (turbotax!) is going. tomorrow we're going to another zumba class.

i hope it's better than the last one.

yep. i am not this coordinated.


  1. Normally I don't read article on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to check out and do so! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, very great article.
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  2. thanks for the comment! it's not really an article, it's just about how my friend vince and i went out and bought a new chair at goodwill. but i'm glad that you liked it!