this post is a lot like fight club.

it's an absolute crime that i haven't blogged in so long.

the only thing that i've wanted to blog about for the past two weeks has been recruitment.

recruitment is a lot like fight club.

the first rule about recruitment is that you don't talk about recruitment.

(if you're wondering, this is sorority recruitment. and it's hardcore enough that we have a manual. and something called "recruitment school". i will leave it at that.)

so then what was i to blog about? a serious question indeed.

i have decided to just blog about my life. it's what i do anyway. and i have suddenly become conscious about how many sentences i start with "so" when i blog.

so. (aha.) here we go with my life. again.

this is jacob and i getting ready to welcome new members into my sorority on friday.
i swear, my hair has never looked that good. and whaddyaknow, as soon as it was perfect, i ran outside screaming in my t-shirt, shorts and tights without a coat through the snow carrying a gatorade bottle full of glittering beads to shake at random cars. and with that, my hair was messed up.

and i think it was about the fourth coldest i've ever been in my life.

the first half hour in my walk-outs garb was okay. but once the excitement had worn off and i had to walk to stucchi's to get ice cream without a coat, nuh uh.


on wednesday i had a conversation with dr. aspinall, my reading writing and research professor, about what i should do my independent study on. i told him all about my lolita paper from last year and that i really wanted to delve into it, and he said that was perfectly acceptable, but probably only because lolita was such a dense book that to actually get into it you had to be a scholar.

he then told me that he was disappointed that i'm not going to grad school.

this has been an issue this year. everybody and their mother is going to grad school. i will graduate in april of 2014 from alma college with a degree in english and spanish, and i will have a teaching license to go teach in just about any state that takes a michigan license. grad school makes it harder for teachers to get jobs, it's more school (and nobody wants to be in school forever) and honestly, i just want to go teach and blog.

so no, i'm not going to grad school.

dr. aspinall then told me that he thought that jacob (the boyfriend, not the best friend) was walking jesus when it came to english. he then told me that anybody can slog through shakespeare. says the guy who has a degree. IN SHAKESPEARE. the man has a PhD. IN SHAKESPEARE.

on thursday i wrote a really interesting poem about the relationship that i have with my grandmother. it has a lot of violent imagery. i sent the poem to my father, since after all, it was about his mom. he called me yesterday to tell me that he didn't understand it at all, and that the beech tree i wrote about was actually a birch tree.

i told him that the next time he talked to me about chemistry, i was going to say "oh i don't do that, i'm an english major."

on friday, while i was running around outside in a t-shirt and sweater tights wearing too many red necklaces and clutching a homemade glittery noisemaker, chuck ended.

i will repeat this.

CHUCK ENDED.

sooo i haven't seen the season finale yet. like i said, i was out running around in the cold for my sorority and too excited to function. but when all the fun was over, i went back to jacob's room and i saw a picture of chuck on tumblr. this picture, to be exact.

when i realized that i wouldn't barricade my door at eight o'clock every monday to keep out unwanted visitors while watching a new episode, and that all i would have would be memories of bumbling chuck and cuddling with my mother on the couch while she knitted, i cried like a baby for half an hour.

i then promptly returned to my dorm, popped the best bag of popcorn i'd ever eaten, and watched the pilot episode like a person attending a funeral.

my mother recorded the series finale of chuck, and when i return home for the weekend in two weeks, i will watch it on my television. with commercials. my favorite television show will not end with me watching it on the internet on some sketchy website that has interesting pop up ads. you know what i mean by interesting.

now onto the RA things about my life. let's make a short list.

1. recruitment and RA things worked out just fine. which was good. because i was in tears.
2. i called the wrong AOD again. whoops.
3. nobody unthawed the doughnuts. that is a blog post in and of itself.
4. kait and i ran to the RA office in t-shirts (to avoid drunk people) to deliberate about the state of our hall director's 13x9 inch pans. at twelve thirty this morning.

so about the doughnuts. they had been frozen in the heavy duty RA freezer for god knows how long. we were giving them away in the library to promote the career and internship fair put on the ACP office, and nobody unthawed them. so when sarah and steph and i went into the RA office to grab them, they were nice and frozen.

we took them upstairs, put them in a pan (which i washed out in the public bathroom) and tried to put them in the oven. there was serious discussion of putting them in the dryer. sarah and i laughed. steph was pissed. other sarah helped. i ended up running to the library to guard the free hot chocolate machine.

this is what the hot chocolate looked like: you know in monsters inc. when mr. waternoose is gloomping coffee into his mug and you're instantly revolted? yeah, it looked like that. that hot chocolate was thick as all get out.

people came and ate our lukewarm doughnuts. i thought they tasted like pizza.

oh, I GOT A SMARTPHONE.


the first thing i did with it was download the free IMDB app and set my ringtone as the circle of life. so far i pretty much just use IMDB, facebook, and twitter. eventually i'll use my phone like a real person. getting a real-person phone that's probably smarter than me should warrant its own blog post, but honestly, i just haven't done enough with the damn thing to write that much about it. i'll let you know when i name it.

aaaaand i have officially gotten my teacher placement for this semester! and lo and behold, i'll be even more like a real teacher, because i have to be at the high school before eight. and the night before, my staff meetings go until midnight. real world, here i come! not barging through the door like a hero, but tripping on my dress pants in my high heels.

and i will end this blog with what i was supposed to be doing while i was writing this blog. i just read a terrific poem about a fish (that i read last year) and i am supposed to be analyzing it and writing a one page paper on the major theme that i discovered in said poem.

instead of writing the paper, i put on my header with my name, the class, the date, blah blah blah, and then i wrote myself a note that looks like this.

Hey Emily!

When you actually write this, you probably won’t be able to find your poetry notebook.

Here is what you’re writing this paper about!

PERCEPTION OF BEAUTY!

• Bright colors and flowers (comparisons)
• Rainbow! Rainbow! Rainbow!
• Colors in general. Get specific.
• Comparisons to birds. And stuff.
• Ugliness = wisdom and worldliness.

NOW GO WRITE YOUR PAPER, YOU BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

this is my life in the past week. i hope that you've enjoyed it as much as i have.