Tuesday, November 27, 2012

procrastination, enchiladas, and tarantulas.

my carrel in the library, which by the way, isn't even my carrel, is currently procrastination station.

things emily needs to do.

1. write my gigantic beowulf paper that's due on friday that's kind of a big deal because i'm sending it into this awkward renaissance consortium.
2. work on my education unit plan.
3. write my nanowrimo novel because that's due on friday also and i'm about six thousand words behind.

things emily is GOING to do at the procastination station.

1. blog about thanksgiving.

HEREEE WE GOOOO!

so there's something about this semester that's been tremendously awful. and i've been weirdly homesick. which makes no sense, because usually i get back to indiana, i hug my parents, and about five minutes later i'm like, cool, let's go back to alma now. so all semester i've been calling my parents like, every other day and i've cried a lot and i've just generally wanted to go home all the time, so when it was time for thanksgiving break, i was like, THANK THE GOOD LORD THAT THIS HAS ARRIVED.

most of my friends peaced out early. i happen to be an RA. i peaced out at five.

my brother and i embarked on our three hour journey to the great state of indiana together with five weeks' worth of laundry, my new fish starship cruiser, and my brother's tarantula alexandria.

they became BFFs.
i wasn't really looking forward to driving home with a tarantula. i told my brother that if it escaped, i was going to pull over and set my car on fire.

appropriate response.

alexandria is actually pretty cute. for being a gigantic hairy spider.

we got home just in time for some pie, which was like, heck yes, welcome home and then i started in on my laundry, because i hadn't done it in five weeks. like, that's a really long time to go without doing laundry. i was on my last pair of underwear and i was seriously out of pants. so i came home wearing awkward tights, a dress, and a cardigan. i threw in a scarf and i actually looked like a put-together teacher.

i'm not gonna lie. thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday. as a strict vegetarian, there's not much i can eat. everybody is like, ERMAHGERD TERRRKERRRRR and i'm like, euw no. and always, without a doubt, my grandma will put bacon in the green bean casserole and i'm like, furrealz grandma?! and she's like, oh emily i just can't get used to you being a vegetarian, and i'm like, grandma, i've been a vegetarian for like, MY WHOLE LIFE.

so mostly for me it's like... rolls. and mashed potatoes. which is enough to make anybody cranky. and i just don't think it's that cool that we celebrate a day where we kind of like... took away land from innocent people and killed them with our european diseases.

so THIS thanksgiving we ventured to my dad's brother's new house. we spent thanksgiving with my aunt, my uncle, my grandpa, my two cousins, and my cousin-in-law, and of course, merlin, their excitable dog that my mom and i are highly allergic to. i haven't been exposed to fur in like, five months, so i haven't built up any type of immunity to it like i do when i visit my boyfriend for extended periods of time, so merlin combined with their imperial cat loki (oh yeah. like the avengers.) made me extremely asthmatic in an extremely short period of time. like, an hour into our visit i was like, yo, who's got an inhaler?! because i totally left mine at home.

smooth operating, emily.

my uncle, bless his soul, made me cheese enchiladas. so all of my friends were like, OH MY GOODNESS TURKEY and i was like, THIS IS THE BEST ENCHILADA EVER HOLY GOODNESS and there was much rejoicing.

hollenberg family tradition dictates that instead of watching football or doing something pointlessly american, we play a family game. this year we played "would you rather", which is exactly like it sounds.

real life question that we had to answer: would you rather bite off and ingest your own finger or break your mother's leg and never be able to tell her why?

obviously the second one.

the entertainment of the game was my parents doing a challenge in which they had to bend over and vigorously wave their butts in the air and my grandpa had to explain that he would rather have an itch in the middle of his back for all eternity because he would have a bunch of hotties scratch it for him.

somehow, every year, we end up embarrassing my grandpa. the other year he had to act out loony bin and he ran around my living room waving his arms and screaming.

we also got into a really big argument about driving. my oldest cousin, becky, was shouting about how she can't stand people that drive in the left lane all the time, to which my cousin-in-law eric responded by shouting, I TAKE WHAT IS MINE!

last year i lost my black friday virginity and my mom decided it was fun, so we were going to venture back out to the mall at midnight again. i wanted to go to target, but they were opening up at nine on thanksgiving night. my parents refused point blank to go to any store that opened that early because "we needed to take back thanksgiving". i feel like my parents would be good protestors if they actually paid attention to the news. 

so my mother and i set out to macy's to look for deals on teacher clothes and things to buy my brother for christmas because his entire list consisted of movies, which made my mother angsty. macy's had a DJ on a platform near the ceiling that was spinning one direction and i resisted the urge to vomit. we headed downstairs to avoid him and we spent a really long time looking at some oddly colored ties. when we had our purchases my mom was all excited by her coupons, but the macy's lady was like, lol nope none of these work and my mom was like, bitch please

no coupons for us.

we were back home within an hour and decidedly unhappy. we parked a quarter mile away and it was raining really hard when we left the store. it was a cold, wet, and quiet ride home.

on friday we put up our tree, which is like, a million feet tall (it's actually nine and a half or something) and always involves a ladder. my mom smashed a really pretty ancient ornament with her name on it and we said a prayer over it before vacuumed it up. we jammed to the head and the heart while decorating the tree, i almost fell off the ladder, and it was a pretty great time. 

we then got in the christmas spirit by watching batman begins. because nothing says it's holiday season like batman.

i might've had some unrestrained sexual tension towards cillian murphy. just sayin'.

on saturday i was like, DUDE. GONNA WRITE THAT BEOWULF PAPER. I'M ON TOP OF THIS. and then i was like, ooooh i have netflix so i watched an incredible amount of grey's anatomy and had feels about it. after dinner we watched captain america, who we call captain mrrca.

MRRCA.


again. superheroes. christmas. they go together.

now my parents are like, BRING HOME THE AVENGERS FOR CHRISTMAS BREAK so i'm excited about that. and i asked for spiderman for christmas. so it's just going to be a merry marvel christmas. besides batman. that's DC. i don't even know what DC stands for. does it actually stand for something?!

after we watched captain mrrca, we skyped with my grandparents, which was adorable. it took them a while to orient the camera correctly and they didn't really spend much time looking at us. there was also the part where i farted really really loudly and my grandpa was like, what on earth was that and my brother was like, no big deal, emily just ripped this giant nasty fart and i fell over because it smelled so bad.

i'm such a lady, i swear.

my grandparents also got to meet alexandria, which was fun. i expected my grandmother to be terrified by my brother's new tarantula, but i think she liked her. which was cool.

i actually was slightly productive over break. i wrote like, seven thousand words in my nanowrimo novel, but i'm still incredibly behind and i have to get that done by midnight on friday night. we'll see how that goes.

on sunday we went to church where a bunch of people were like, are you feeling better?! because of the whole "emily's still having convulsions" type deal, and we had a nice family meal together and then we packed up and headed back to alma, which, for the first time, was actually depressing for me. 

three weeks left, kids. two weeks of classes, one week of exams. and there's so much to look forward to.

until then, there's my paper and my nanowrimo novel. ya know.

i'm going to leave you with my christmas list because i'm very very proud of how it turned out.

Emily's truly wonderful and magical Christmas list.


  • Harry Potter books, the UK edition. I know it seems silly. But it’s very important to me to collect these slowly. Or all at once.
  • A Target gift card would be nice so I can buy all of their cute teacher clothes. And purple pants.
  •  A NEW WINTER COAT. This is very important. Because it’s forty degrees and my winter coat isn’t keeping me warm, it has a bum pocket, and I get the zipper stuck sometimes and I have to shimmy out of it.
  • A tortoise. I am not joking.
  • An iTunes gift card would be magical. All of the music!
  • SPIDER-MAN. Because I obviously didn’t buy it for myself. That took a lot of willpower. Like, a lot a lot.
  • A Union Jack flag to hang in my room!
  • I’d like to get my Iron and Wine poster framed. That would be neat.
  • Any John Green book. Preferably Paper Towns or The Fault In Our Stars.
  • Dr. Seuss books that we don’t already own. Jacob now has more than me and that’s shameful.
  • An iPod converter for the car because I will be darned if I have to keeping listening to the radio.
  • When in doubt, an Amazon gift card can work wonders.
  • Chuck season five because I’ve been waiting for that for a long, long time.
  • World peace.
  • Oh, and concert tickets.
 yeup. reeeal proud of that list.

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