election day anxiety is the BEST anxiety.

it's election day.

i am full of anxiety.

there are a few reasons for this.

1. IT'S ELECTION DAYYYY
2. i don't have antidepressants right now. that sounds bad. like i'm addicted to them or something.
3. i have some. at the pharmacy. i haven't picked them up yet.
4. the pharmacy keeps calling me at weird times like, EMILY PICK UP YO PILLS GURRRL and i'm like, I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO GO TO THE PHARMACY BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO WRITE A PAPER ABOUT HOW GRENDEL'S MOTHER'S LAIR IS ACTUALLY A WOMB.

so. much. anxiety.

like, on sunday i got really anxious about all of the stuff i have to do this week. and i was so anxious i couldn't actually do it, which made me even more anxious that i wasn't doing it, and the thought of actually being in contact with humans (particularly humans that have their stuff together) made me want to vomit so i sat alone in my room and my boyfriend brought me dinner so i didn't have to brave the cafeteria.

i'm anxious about election day. not quite like that.

i've actually had a very human filled day. i ate lunch with a bunch of awesome people. i met with two professors. i went to class. i had a study session.

that involves people. COOL PEOPLE.

so i went to talk to dr. aspinall about submitting stuff to the english honorary convention in portland. if my stuff gets picked, i get to dress up pretty, read what i submitted to a panel of people (with a podium! and a microphone!) and then be like, yo, this is what i was thinking when i wrote this.

then i'll probably have to answer questions like, "was this a feminist critique of something? what about psychoanalysis?"

the life of an english major.

so i sat in dr. aspinall's office and i was like, "okay i have five poems and i have a short story that i critiqued really really hard and i just don't know what to submit and i'm really really anxious!"

and he says, "relax, what do you want to submit?"

i don't know. that's why i'm in here talking to you.

there's a lot of face clutching. a lot of burying my face in my short story and my poetry. because i was cool and printed them off. dr. aspinall then grabbed my poem, read it, and said, "i've read this before."

my first thought is WHEN THE HELL DID YOU READ MY POEM WHAT ON EARTH.

and then he says, "this one the poetry contest, i was a judge."

oh. right.

then he's like, EMILY WHY ARE YOU SO ANXIOUS

and out of my mouth comes something like this.

IT'S ELECTION DAY AND I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER AND I JUST NEVER KNOW IF I'M DOING ANYTHING RIGHT AND I HATE HAVING ANXIETY AND I GET ANXIOUS ABOUT HAVING ANXIETY AND I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO SUBMIT BECAUSE I HAVE ANXIETY ABOUT REJECTION AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.

we've come full circle. i think. maybe. probably. not.

IT'S ELECTION DAY AND I AM ANXIOUS AS ALL GET-OUT.

right now i'm sitting on my bed. i'm on RA duty and i'm sitting here with colin. he's burping a lot.

but the best part is that he brought over a loaf of bread and a gigantic bag of string cheese.

so i'm literally sitting here watching the election results and eating bread and cheese. 

YEUP. IT'S HAPPENING.

it took me a while to find CNN. like, i've never had cable before so i tweet something along the lines of "i don't know what channel CNN is!" and this weird twitter i've never seen before goes "oh emilyyxh, you don't know what channel CNN is?" and i'm like, "BRO CHILL OUT I'VE NEVER HAD CABLE DURING AN ELECTION BECAUSE CABLE IS FOR SUCKERS."

so colin and i are sitting here and tweeting. he's reading this over my shoulder and it's getting annoying. but here's what i've come up with so far.

indiana went republican. i am disappointed, but not surprised. there's been a lot of coverage about donnelly and mourdock because murdock kind of made the biggest douchebag mistake EVER and he didn't bother recanting it because he honestly believes what he says.

GO HOME, MOURDOCK, NOBODY LOVES YOU.

i feel like you guys know my political stances by now. if you don't, here's pretty much how it works.

HUFFLEPUFFS FOR OBAMA!

here's a cute picture of me with the political signs that i have over my bed.

i attempted to be cute. so i took most of my face out of the picture.

breaking news while i posted that picture: MOURDOCK LOST IN INDIANA.

this is a very happy thing for me, mostly because i live in indiana and he was a misogynist douchebag.

speaking of misogyny, the other day in my brit lit class, we were reading sir francis bacon and dr. aspinall was like, "francis bacon was a misogynist. does anybody know what that means?"

epic silence. then dr. aspinall was like, "WOMAN HATER!"

the other day we were discussing john donne and he seriously asked us, "can you get pregnant with a dildo instead of a penis? this is what john donne is asking us through his poetry."

moving back to election night.

about an hour ago, my boss texted me and this is how that conversation went.

my boss: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA!

me: whaaat? if you know anything DON'T ruin it omg

my boss: no, that's just my battle cry!

ten minutes later.

my boss: i'm drinking woodchuck!

me: i'm on duty and i wanna drink, wahhh

my boss: dave took the duty phone. SO I'M DRINKING

i enjoy my job. and my boss.

but seriously, i want to be sitting here with a wine cooler (and colin and bread and cheese) but since i'm on duty, i can't drink.

i don't have class tomorrow night. 

guess who's going to the bar. 

CNN has been going through these states one at a time, going through estimates and stuff, and i cannot describe how anxious it's making me. this old guy is standing next to this board and saying things like, "we predict that romney will take this state, blah blah blah" and I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

colin just showed me the epic rap battle of history between romney and obama. the best part was abraham lincoln descending on an eagle and bitch slapping them both.

colin and i have now started a new game. it goes like this.

"IS THAT OHIO?"
"no, that's iowa."
"IS THAT OHIO?"
"every state is not ohio."
"I LIKE OHIO"

i do like ohio because it's a swing state that obama needs.

colin likes ohio because he's from ohio. legit.

AND THEN THIS JUST HAPPENED ON TWITTER.

he knows colin's secret.

twitter is now blown up with mourdock and akin being ousted. 

"looks like god didn't intend mourdock to win."

"akin officially got shut down."

LOLOLOL TWITTER.

time elapsed since i last typed in this post: approximately one hour. during that time, glenda ritz ousted tony bennett as state superintendent of indiana, AND I AM DANCING IN MY FLANNEL PANTS AND WAVING AROUND CHEESE STICKS.

but mike pence just became governor of indiana. less dancing. more unhappiness.

i have officially decided that i am going to stay up as long as it takes until i find out who is the next president of the united states. 

eight thirty class? ehhhhh. 

brit lit exam? ehhhhh.

staying up until four in the morning to see who wins this election? YEAHHHHH.

states are making up their minds. yellow states galore. obama is ahead. romney is close behind.

WHO WILL BE AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL?!

ACCORDING TO CNN TWO SECONDS AGO, THAT WOULD BE MR. BARACK OBAMA.