Wednesday, June 13, 2012

bubblegum. it involves counting.

is it me? or is this june go! challenge getting like... infinitely harder than last year?

every day it's like, oh shoot, what on earth do i blog about.


did my life get boring?

let's see.

today i...

1. woke up.
2. went to work.
3. watched a very potter musical and thought about showering.
4. actually showered.
5. read the last half of harry potter and the deathly hallows, making the number of times read 47.
6. napped for three hours.
7. ate some food.
8. went to work.
9. wrote this list.

yep. my life has gotten boring.

however, reading the last half of the deathly hallows was pretty awesome. i mean, it's the battle of hogwarts! i open at the close! breaking into gringotts and escaping on dragons!

then i thought about how much the movie sucked.

i've blogged about this before, so i'll spare you. biggest pet peeve: voldemort can't feel his horcruxes when they die. so why go through all of the intense shots of him wincing in pain?

i forgot something in my list.

i legitimately pondered horcruxes. i sat on my bed and i thought about them.


yep. my life has gotten boring.

gone are the days when i can blog about some awesome place that i went with some awesome people and we did awesome things and everything was awkward and i did zumba in parking lots and blah blah blah.

but i can blog about work.

i just realized that this post is like my life is boring HARRY POTTER i like horcruxes my life is boring OH NOW I'LL BLOG ABOUT WORK.

honestly. i got an intership to blog for the student life office next year. what are they thinking? i have no sense of direction.

ahem. WORK.

soooo i'm a swim coach.

let's get this straight.

1. i do not teach swim lessons.
2. i do not get in with children and help them float.
3. the children i work with know how to swim.
4. i'm a coach. A COACH.

now that that's out of the way.

in the morning i work from seven thirty until nine thirty. the first hour i have older kids. thirteen to eighteen year olds. second hour i have eight and unders.

i am two completely different people with these groups.

my older kids are mostly high schoolers. i love them dearly, even though they don't believe it. on average, i have about four of them in a lane. they know their stuff. they can swim. i give them legimitate work outs. we don't have to work on much.

until they get lazy. (ahem. parker.)

today i found a diving ring and i decided that i would randomly throw it into the pool and they could find it during their practice. when they found it, they could dive down and get it and give it back.

i dropped it in the same place three times in a row. they got confused.

emma and i named it the ring of destiny. i held it aloft and shouted "ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL! ONE RING TO FIND THEM! AND IN THE DARKNESS BIND THEM!'

since it's older kids practice and emma and i have lanes next to each other... these things tend to happen.

emma: girls float better than boys.
me: maybe... it's because... they have uteruses.
emma: THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. UTERUSES CAN FLOAT.
me: we have to figure this out.

later.

me: can uteruses float?
my mother: what?
me: you're an anatomy teacher. can they float?
my mother: maybe. they're small.
my father: i don't know, they're made of muscle.
my mother: I'M CONFUSED.
me: if you just had a uterus in your hands and you dropped it in a bowl of water. would it float.
my mother: i'm still confused.

when i'm at morning practice and i work with my eight and unders, i'm an entirely different person. my older kids know that i have a boyfriend, that i blog, and that i love serial killers. i talk to them about life and high school. not so much with four to eight year olds.

me in a really high elementary teacher voice: okay! i need your eyes and ears above the water! we're going to FREESTYLE ALLLLL the way to the other end! i wanna see BIIIIG kicks! with LOOOONG arms REEEACHING for the wall!

emma and i coach two lanes of these little kids. it's awesome. here's what happened last week.

me: there are two emilys in this lane! but i bet that both of your ages combined aren't as old as THIS emily!
little emily: how old are you?
me: well my birthday was yesterday, and i turned old.
carric: YOU'RE FORTY?!

i love my life.

this morning, we told our kids that when they did breaststroke, when they got back to their streamline position, they had to hold it for threeeee counts.

every time ashley popped up in the exact opposite of streamline position, she stuck her head up and counted out loud "ONE TWO THREE!"

down the entire lane.

when she finished, all of us were cracking up. including the parents. she stuck her hands on her hips and screamed, "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!"

the other day, when we told the kids to do an entire fifty, charlie shouted, "leapin' lizards!"

today at evening practice, which is all ages, i still work with the older kids that decide to show up.

usually that just means my boss's daughter.

nobody was swimming, so hannah and emma and i could set up the pool early. i got the biggest stack of kickboards EVER, tucked them under my chin, and waddled them over to lane one.

after practice, i couldn't even wrap my arms around them. hannah told me i channeled my inner bruce banner.

COACH EMILY SMASH.

this is my fourth year with this team. i've never had this much fun, thanks to hannah and emma. i am officially an honorary triplet.

my second year of coaching, the year that i graduated from high school, i broke my toe demonstrating tight streamlines on the blocks. i walked it off. the kids had nooooo idea.

i let my car get decorated my ten year old girls. i have to help kids tie ribbons onto their flip flops. i pass out muffins. i play a game called bubblegum that involves a lot of counting.

honestly, i couldn't ask for a better job.

i did summer swim at a different team for nearly fourteen years. i never thought i'd get to coach one. let alone for four years.

i love my autumn ridge swim team. and i can't believe i get paid to work with such fun children and such awesome people.


well this is from last year. look how long my hair is.
i'm on the left, by the way.
if, you know, you couldn't tell.

i love my swim team, and i love my job.

now that i've blogged about it, i need something new to  blog about. since my life is boring now.

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