Tuesday, June 12, 2012

schwarma. explosions. and... stuff.

i've been told that the avengers isn't a girl movie.

well, i've never liked traditional girl movies.

the notebook? passable.

anything else nicholas sparks? i've never wanted to watch them.

chick flicks? not really.

i like the dark knight. inception. animal house.

but i wasn't that thrilled about the avengers coming out earlier this year. i absolutely loved the dark knight and iron man, but i just kept thinking, man. all these super hero movies. didn't thor, captain america, and iron man 2 just come out? like, seriously?

so i wasn't that stoked.

then my trusty dusty friend roger ebert gave it a good rating, and everybody who saw it on opening night said it was TOTALLY THE MOST AWESOME MOVIE EVER.

so i got curious.

tumblr alerted me of the beauty of tom hiddleston. (that's loki.) i'd never found chris hemsworth that attractive. the hair. it got to me.

but he was australian.

and then...

gah. i just really love him.
there was mark ruffalo. 

honestly. i don't know when i suddenly got obsessed with this man. for goodness sake, he's forty-four, happily married, and has three children. he's FORTY-FOUR.

but jeez oh petes do i think he's absolutely gorgeous.

so i got more and more intrigued. and eventually i decided that i absolutely had to see this movie. not sure when. i just woke up one day and said, "I AM GOING TO SEE THE AVENGERS AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS."

so jacob came down two days before my birthday on a dreary friday. and i marched right up to him and said, get your wallet ready, we're going to see the avengers.

jacob: really?

so we drove half an hour to rave to see it.

and it was sooooo awesome and beyond description. i couldn't shut up about it. and i saw why people wanted to see it twice. it was awesome.

there was the perfect amount of explosions. it had a legitimate plot. the avengers weren't just a bunch of superheroes that suddenly banded together to fight evil. they all had their problems, and they all certainly didn't like each other. iron man and captain america will never be roommates. bruce banner and tony stark may come together and speak science language, but when it comes down to it, they don't really like each other, at least not until they end where they drive off together in tony's car, probably to solve the next big scientific problem. the black widow and hawkeye have some weird love thing that involves killing people, and nobody knows what the hell nick fury is up to.

and thor? he just doesn't understand humans.

but besides having the right amount of explosions, it was also hilarious.

and here's the kicker: why didn't people think that this is a girl movie?

it is full of hot men.

sure, there are explosions and fights and nuclear bombs and screaming people and weird aliens, but seriously. gorgeous, gorgeous men. some of them in tights.

so today hannah and emma and i went to see it. they hadn't seen it, and i was going through bruce banner withdrawal. not just because it was mark ruffalo, but because i am legitimately intrigued by bruce banner, and i think i will be forever.

everyone is just so overly cautious around him, and why wouldn't they be? one raw nerve and boom.

"the last time i was in new york i accidentally broke... uh... harlem."

hulk smash.

dr. banner is a time bomb. and they treat him like a serial killer. the best part, he knows how he's being treated. and he can get snide about it.

he spends a lot of time shuffling around, looking at the ground, and wringing his hands. when things get too nervous, he focuses on being a genius and finding the tesseract. his big question: "are you sure you want me in a small, pressurized submersible?"

great question, dr. banner. great question.

honestly. he's treated like a serial killer.

"better keep a close eye on dr. banner. if things get hairy, we'll stick him in that really awesome reinforced cell. sound like a plan? awesome. let's let him work in his lab by himself. TONY STARK DON'T POKE HIM WITH THAT STICK YOU IDIOT."

getting back to watching the actual movie with hannah and emma.

sooo we get there and the theatre is empty. EMPTY! we're so excited. we can talk as loud as we want. which is great. because we're movie talkers. those annoying people behind you that don't shut up? yeah, that's us.

and it's dollar fifty popcorn day. and they eached smuggled in some candy. so we're sitting in the back row watching all of these hot guys exploding stuff and throwing down and we're eating candy and popcorn.

everything is beautiful. the movie is beautiful. it's better the second time.

so my initial reason for seeing this movie twice was because i wanted to get my bruce banner fix. the hulk is pretty neat, but i'm more interested in the ticking time bomb scientist who's treat liked a serial killer and who stands around and wrings his hands, being a genius and everything.

i have a thing for doctor geniuses, i think.

so when the movie is over and we're still completely geeking out about everything, i realize that this made me want to see it a third time.

in trying to get rid of my need to see dr. banner (and the rest of the awesome movie), it just made me want to see it more.

oh, by the way, the best part of the movie is the very, very end. you know when iron man is like, oh man, i saw this schwarma place, we should totally go get some, since we saved the world and everything.

new york has been flattened and he's just come out of space and he's like, MAN. SCHWARMA. SOUNDS YUMMY.

so emma and and hannah and i did that thing where we sit and read awesome names off the credits.

name of the day: wolfgang neidermeyer. way to go, mrs. neidermeyer. way to go, raising a son like that.

so after all the credits are over, suddenly, there's a new scene. and we're waiting and suddenly...

it's the avengers. eating schwarma. at a blown-out restaurant.

dr. banner is stuffing his face. i don't blame him. he spent most of the day smashing up manhattan. and tony stark is stuffing his face too, because he went to space and back with a nuclear bomb. that's got to make anyone hungry.

can you imagine hosting a dinner party for these guys? that grocery bill has got to parallel my college tuition fee.

but it was just so beautiful. and we couldn't stop laughing for about ten minutes.

i approve of the avengers. and i will be seeing it a third time, mark my words.

and the avengers approve of schwarma. yum.


  1. i didn't get to see the end scene!! i loved it, too and it was honestly one of the greatest things ever. i need to go see it again! also, i have a think for doctor geniuses too :)