Friday, June 24, 2011

i am taller than kanye west.

i have this annoying habit of listening to a song over and over again.

see, i know what you're thinking. you're thinking that it's not really that bad of a problem, listening to a song a few times in a row. but then you look at my top 25 played on itunes and you say, oh.

my most played song, for which my entire blog is named, has over 750 plays. this is just on my ipod. never mind the hours and hours i've had it on repeat in my car.

currently, i am listening to "power" by kanye west. that has been going nonstop in my room since tuesday.

see, this is not even that terrible. my record for longest time listening to a song goes to "such great heights" by the postal service with a ground shattering three weeks of constant listening. that's three weeks. that's five hundred and four hours, which equates to thirty thousand two hundred and forty minutes. this equates to over seven thousand and thirty-two listens to this song. that's not even the times i've listened to it after my three week "such great heights" kick. or all the times randomly in my car.

yes, it's a problem.

while "power" is rolling through my ipod over and over, i haven't had a chance to plug my ipod into itunes to see if it has wormed its way into the allstar top twenty-five most played. i'm pretty darn sure it has by now. number twenty five (miss friday by nico stai) is holding on with a puny one hundred and thirty-five plays. i think kanye west has a nice shot of squeezing his way into listening glory.

i've been trying to figure out exactly why i end up listening to songs over and over for such ridiculous amounts of time. part of it is that delicious OCD cereal i ate that one morning in middle school. about halfway through my intense listening, i simply cannot listen to another song. i have an intense fear that something absolutely terrible will happen if i listen to another song, and i cannot bring myself to listen to anything else. it's an almost paralyzing fear, and the more i tell myself that it is an absolutely pointless fear, the more overwhelming it becomes.

this fear never lasts very long. a day at most. i enjoy ignoring it. we all enjoy ignoring things like that.

i need a song to fill me up completely. i don't think this will ever truly happen with a song, but i will listen to it until i feel like it's filled me up enough. i'm still figuring out exactly what this means, what it constitutes. it's a feeling. a beautiful, glorious feeling.

i don't know how to achieve this feeling. before i can fully get to this point in my musical experience, sheer song exhaustion takes over. my favorite song, "swim until you can't see land" by frightened rabbit, hasn't gotten to that point yet, even after thousands of listens. i can listen to it without hearing it.

but every once in a while, when that song plays, i get chills down my spine just like i did the very first time that i heard it.

"such great heights" has been worn out. it's been exhausted. i honestly don't think i can stand to listen to it anymore. maybe someday i'll able to go back to it.

i worry that this will happen with "swim until you can't see land." i don't want this to happen to it. i'm terrified that this will happen to it. i will find myself worn out, run down, and when that comes pops up when my ipod is on shuffle during a dorm cleaning frenzy, i'll sigh, roll my eyes, and skip it.

i want to feel that shiver of excitement every time it comes on like i do now. like i have for the past seven months. that shiver that makes me stop my cleaning frenzy, drop my duster, close my eyes, and breathe.

i think that feeling is me being full to the brim with music.

i doubt i'll get this with "power." i work out to "power." and sure as hell can clean my room to "power." my room has never been this clean in my life. thank you, kanye. he didn't interrupt my life like he interrupted taylor swift. i really thought she was going to cry.

i think if he interrupted me, i'd hit him. hard. i'm taller than he is.

i'm really hoping i'll get this filled to the brim feeling more often.

but as kanye west says in power, "until then, fuck that, the world's ours."

for those of you who are interested, this is "swim until you can't see land." enjoy my favorite song. :)

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