i don't have an evil cat yet.

all day today, like i normally do with my june go! challenge, i've thought about things to blog about today.

eventually, i just settled with blogging about my birthday.

because you know, it's my birthday.

this post really starts with last night, where i was talking online with adam and we came to the conclusion, through tumblr, that he was preoccupied with my butt long before he knew me when i randomly joined chorale. that really has nothing to do with my birthday or this post, but it was really funny and made me think of this picture.

if you're reading this, i enjoy your butt. in a non-creepy way.

so after we established this, it was half an hour until midnight, and adam left me for this weird thing called sleep, and i was like, well i always stay up until midnight and then i can pump my fist in the air!

so i looked at pictures of andrew garfield without shame while the lion king was on.

mufasa died right when it turned midnight. welp.

could it be a premonition about my birthday? about my year in general as i entered the world of being twenty-two?

i've mentioned this before; the idea of being twenty-two both terrifies me and makes me feel worldlier. 

like, HOORAY I'M TWENTY-TWO! I'M A REAL ADULT! I CAN DO ALL THE LEGAL THINGS EXCEPT RENT A CAR! AND IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN TWENTY-ONE, BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE TWENTY-ONE YOU'RE ALWAYS LIKE, HEY I'M TWENTY-ONE AND I CAN DO ALL THESE LEGAL THINGS LIKE YOU HAVE TO PROVE SOMETHING! 

when you're twenty-two it's like, i surpassed that awkward twenty-one stage! i'm a real adult!

being a real adult is scary, bro.

i've blogged multiple times about being a real person. last week i felt like a super real person because my mom broke her elbow and i've been cooking for her.

COOKING! I'VE BEEN COOKING! I DON'T COOK! 

i made this stuff called spaghetti pie, which looks and sounds disgusting, but it's actually delicious. you take a whole bunch of spaghetti noodles and eggs and cottage cheese and italian seasoning and you bake the hell out of it. into a pie. it's not as weird as it sounds, i promise.

but i made it, all by myself, and then i spent a good chunk of the day cleaning the house, and it was one of those, wow, i'm being an adult! moments.

i feel like maybe those are supposed to come more when you're twenty-two. 

this is what i associate with the age twenty-two.

1. college graduation.

2. big kid job.

3. apartment.

4. a nice and beautiful relationship. and if not, an evil cat.

if i were to get an evil cat, i'd name it stephen king. it would pee in people's shoes. and nobody would visit me ever. 

fortunately for you, future visitor, i'll never be able to have an evil cat named stephen king that'll pee in your shoe.

but of the four things that i've listed, i don't have any of those. least of all an evil cat. (which is totally what i want the most.)

i've tried to understand why i feel like that when you're twenty-two you need to have these things. is it just like this magical thing, you graduate from college and suddenly you're not living in your parents' house and you have an apartment and money and a shitty car that runs for you if you turn the key the right way and say a prayer three times? is that how this works?

instead of waking up in an apartment with an evil cat named stephen king and going to a big kid job, i woke up in my parents' house and i went to my semi big kid job, where i coach a 126 kid swim team with my best friends, hannah and emma. 

BIG KID LIFE AT ITS FINEST. 

i spent my morning running around the pool deck, making faces at little kids and laughing hysterically at an adorable little boy who thought that breaststroke was done on his back instead of his stomach. it was so cute that emma and i couldn't correct him. we'll work on that tomorrow, most definitely.

the twins brought me vegan cupcakes and i snarfed two of them after work, but not after one of my swimmers came up to me and yelled, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!"

i gave her a huge hug and said, "it's my birthday too! but i bet that you're older than me!"

she frowned deeply and said, "i think you're older than eight, coach emily."

at the end of of practise, we did a swim assessment of a little girl named emily, who was five. i said, "your name is emily? my name is emily! i think that i stole your name from you!" to which parker responded, "were you not named until you were like, sixteen?"

while she was swimming with hannah and emma, i talked with her mother. i told her that i had been a coach here for five years and she smiled and said, "you don't look old enough to have been doing anything for five years."

oh.

i guess i don't look twenty-two, along with not feeling like i was twenty-two.

after i got home and i snarfed the vegan cupcakes, i took a beautiful two hour nap in my swim suit, because what else was i going to do with my day? 

i then shaved my legs and felt incredibly sensual. so sensual, in fact, that i texted adam to let him know that i shaved my legs and did indeed feel sensual. and i wore my zebra dress, the one that i bought at a market in london. because you can dress up on your birthday, even if you have nowhere to go.

and i didn't. i had absolutely nowhere to go.

so i sat on our back porch and read odd apocalypse the entire afternoon.

i also live tweeted it. because i can't go two seconds without live tweeting anything.

the following are real tweets by real emily hollenberg.

@emilyyxh: i am not handling this odd thomas book well

@emilyyxh: this book is just WHAT

@emilyyxh: ODD JUST QUOTED THE NINTH DOCTOR AND I AM SO OVERJOYED

@emilyyxh: ODDDD NOOOO GTFO ODDD NOOOOOOO

@emilyyxh: THAT. BOOK. OH MY GOODNESS. 

i cried. on multiple occasions. because i just really love odd thomas and i have a lot of odd thomas feels.

during the absolute climax of the book (in which odd was powerless in the hands of the bad guys, ya know) my parents came home from work and my mom said, "hey emily cook dinner please" which reminded me, quite rapidly, that twenty-two is definitely one of the first birthdays that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

which is cool. it's about time i hit that point in my life.

so i made my own birthday dinner and i was really proud of myself because i cooked again like a real adult! then my mom tried to harness me into doing other things and i was like, NO. ODD THOMAS. IN THE HANDS OF BAD GUYS. I NEED TO MARRY HIM. 

to which my dad responded, "you can't marry him until i've met him!"

but i finished odd thomas before dinner and i cried womanly tears, which are twice as epic as manly tears and i wanted to die for a little bit, but my sadness was totally gone when i ate homemade macaroni and cheese with my family.

my sadness was DEFINITELY replaced when i got silver linings playbook for my birthday.

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK!

sometime in april, i made my parents a birthday list that looked something like this.

A MOST MARVELLOUS 22^nd BIRTHDAY LIST.

• Silver Linings Playbook. THIS IS A MIGHTY NEED.
• Having my Iron & Wine poster framed. It’s limited edition and a weird shape. So that would be cool to have done.
• Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. This is a book. (It’s also on sale at Barnes and Noble RIGHT NOW!)
• The Hobbit. Book. And movie. Preferably both.
• A bookshelf that could presumably last me into my actual adult life. I have a lot of books.
• A ukulele. I’m not kidding.
• Large and fun hairpieces that take the form of bow shapes.
• Infinity scarves. They’re a thing and I like them.
• A new wardrobe. I feel like I always want this.
• Tickets to see Lion King on Broadway. I keep asking. I’m still not kidding.
• iTunes gift card. FOR ALL THE MUSIC.
• Target gift card. FOR ALL THE THINGS.
• “Pedestrian Verse”- Frightened Rabbit. This is a CD.
• “My Head is an Animal”- Of Monsters and Men. This is a CD. 

as you can see, silver linings playbook was highly important. 

i also got my own copy of the hobbit, which was legit, since i've been borrowing my brother's, and i got the frightened rabbit CD, so i can now claim that i have their entire discography.

i also listened to them while i was in scotland and that was HELLA TIGHT.

after dinner and squealing over silver linings playbook, i went back to work for evening practise, and that was always enjoyable. it's going to be a super great season, i can feel it. 

so i'm twenty-two. i don't feel older or worldlier. hannah gave me a huge hug and shouted, "YOU'RE OLDDDD" and i feel like maybe i am, but honestly, i'm not. i don't feel more responsible or more adult-like.

as you can tell from my facebook status that went like this.

today is my 22nd birthday.

i guess i'm supposed to be an adult now. RIGHT. 

I MANAGED TO GET A WOMAN LAUGHING ALONE WITH SALAD IN MY FACEBOOK STATUS. ON MY BIRTHDAY. WINNING, YO. WINNING. 

and remember...

always.