Thursday, June 13, 2013

this might be about bagels. or carrots. or something.

i'm blogging on a schedule tonight.

it's 9:11 pm. i just got off work. there's a new episode of hannibal on at ten and i've been pining away for that since friday.


commencing fast blog in three.. two... one... BLOG.

so all day (well not all day) i've been trying to figure out what to blog about. again. this is a problem. this year's go! challenge has been... well, challenging.

i need to make a list with a stupid name like, I HAVE BLOGGING IDEAS AND THEY ARE FANTASTIC and it'll have a list.

i like lists.

here's what today consisted of.


1. i went to bed at like, one. extra smart. but i got to yell "AGGRESSIVELY GOING TO BED" at adam and that was cool.

2. my alarm went off at 6:44, and i wasn't even mad because i found out how to label my alarms. like, i've always wanted to label my alarm on my iphone, and i finally figured it out. so when my alarm went off, my phone said WERK WERK WERK WERK WERK and that made me really happy.

3. i went to werk.

4. if you didn't know, i coach a summer swim team. kids age six to eighteen. and i also coach the prep team, which right now is kids age three to... eight. or something.


5. after work, i came home and i ate a bunch of cottage cheese because i was starving. being with little kids is exhausting, as much fun as it is.

6. while i was nomming my cottage cheese, my dad came over and he said, "eurgh, cottage cheese tastes creepy."

like, i didn't realise that creepy was a taste, but whatever. we can let it be a taste.

7. i conned my mom into working out with me. yesterday was my sit on my ass day, and i was determined to work out really hard in my new neon work out shorts. and BOY DID I! somehow the cycle on my recumbent bike ended on a level 16 hill and i was like, why don't i take this hill at nineteen miles an hour? yeah that was smart.

8. after we worked out, my mom and i took a two mile walk and we saw some really awesome turtles sunning themselves in a marsh type... thing.

9. i then stuffed my face with cheese bagels and blueberries.

and here's the best part of my day.

10. in my work out clothes, with my chopped hair in some awkward whoville ponytail, i crawled in bed in my neon shorts and my jog bra and i slept for like... three and a half hours.

i emerged valiantly from my bed at like, five in the evening totally disoriented and i was like, what the hell is going on with my hair, dear lord i'm sweaty, what year is it?

i could feel my parents' judgment while i was in the shower. like, they didn't say anything. but i could just feel that they were downstairs like, well it's about time that emily showered and got her life together.

you know, i think my day was pretty much living the dream. who doesn't want to sleep all afternoon?

and i mean, i worked out like a responsible adult. i'm getting back in shape. i'll never be in shape like i was my freshman year at alma when i swam like, eight miles a day and i weightlifted like a badass, but i can get back in shape over the summer! i can do it!

but seriously, i bought a new swim suit online after dinner that was super duper cute (i'd post a picture but it's a surprise for the twins when it gets here) and i had to buy a 34.

if you're not a swimmer, that means nothing to you. sorry. but it was a sad moment in my life.

we ate an early dinner because my mom is on this new church board and she had a meeting, and we had like, awkward grilled tortillas and my mom was like, "did little emily take a big girl nap today?"


this also probably means that i'm going to be up forever tonight. and then want to nap tomorrow. or else i'll fall asleep at my grandparents' house tomorrow when we go over for pizza.

pizza. yummm.

but since i didn't do anything today and i just told you about it, i posed the question that i normally pose to my father to my kids at work.

in evening, i coach an hour long practise. this week, i'm coaching the kids that are thirteen and over. i had five girls and they were my usual evening practise girls. they're all... fifteen. or something.

i wasn't particularly nice to them today. i was making them do 25's without breathing.

i had a coach who told me once, "emily, oxygen is for the weak."

i took it to heart. especially after i developed exercise induced asthma.

swimming is 90% mental and 10% physical. i preach this a lot to my older kids. so if i tell you that you can swim all the way down the pool without breathing, you can. you just tell yourself that you can, and then you do it. you don't give in to your body's demands, nope, you say, "eff that, body, ima keep going strong" and then you do it.

swimming for alma really taught me the importance of having a strong mentality when swimming. without it, you're done.

i gave them plenty of time to catch their breath between each 25. so i sat down, wrapped my arms around my legs and said, "guys, so i have a blog, right?"

ooops. probably shouldn't have said that.

but then i was like, "okay, so all i did today was sleep. like, seriously. but i didn't watch netflix, so i think that's a personal victory, but i have no idea what to blog about today."

larissa asked me what i blogged about yesterday and i said, "okay, let me tell you guys a story about how i pretended to be an adult and went to the bank."

see previous post for that story.

between each 25 they asked for weird stories that i blogged about, like crazy hobby lobby lady from yesterday and the time that i got jab chai at a korean restaurant and the noodles were transparent and had the consistency of gummy worms.

and they were like, "emily you have a super interesting life"


so today. i didn't do much. but i can make it at least kind of interesting, right?

like when i was at the Y, after i walked two miles with my mom and we saw the cute sunning turtles on logs, i got stopped by this woman i'd never seen before. and i'm embarrassed because my shirt doesn't match my shorts and i'm literally dripping sweat onto the floor, and she grabs my arm.

and she's like, "are you a swim instructor? do you instruct my kid?"

lady, i instruct 126 kids. so i open my mouth and i go, "uhhhhh."

and she says, "his name is brandon."

i do a tally. my team has like, eight brandons. so i open my mouth and go, "uhhhh" again and she's looking at me expectantly and i'm like, shit i don't know who this lady's kid is.

so i say, "at autumn ridge? i coach there."

and she's like, "YES! i thought i saw you coaching there. yes, you coach my son brandon."

crisis averted. never underestimate how pissed parents get when you don't know which kid is theirs.

but it's not like we coach the parents. we coach the kids. if the kid doesn't tell me who their mom is, how are we supposed to know?

after i avoided swim mom, i found my own mother talking to a wonderful lady from our church, and that conversation took about fifteen minutes where we talked about biking and broken collar bones.

i haven't broken a bone in three years, by the way, which is probably why i tore my meniscus. my body was too complacent.

anyway, the entire time we're talking to this super nice lady with a super nice family (i used to babysit for them) all i could think about were cheese bagels. because you know what, i love cheese bagels.


during lunch i legitimately thought about blogging just about cheese bagels.

they are my staple summer food. i come home from work, lounge around, work out, whatever, and when it's time for lunch, i make a cheese bagel.

i use a beautiful egg bagel. i use six slices of colby jack cheese perfectly placed upon the bagel. i microwave it for 40 seconds, 45 sometimes depending on the thickness of the cheese.

and then i eat that mofo.

yesterday when i was eating lunch, my mother was telling me about all the great ways to eat food so you don't eat too much, since i'm in the business of working out and losing ten pound because society has taught me to hate my body.

"emily, you should stop eating when you're 80% full, and i heard from dr. oz or someone that you should think about your food. contemplate it before you eat it. think about where it came from in the world, how it got here, what's in it, and how it was prepared."

at this point in the conversation, i looked at the carrot that i was eating and i was like, i have no idea where this carrot came from, and i hope it doesn't have too many pesticides. i'm thinking about this too much. ima eat this carrot.

"take the time to chew it, to take in all of its flavours, to realise how much you enjoy it."

i swallowed my carrot and i said, "mother, i do that with cheese bagels every single day because cheese bagels are so absolutely wonderful."

to which my brother said, "i make a point to not think about how cheese is prepared."

fair enough.

i seriously just googled "where to carrots come from" and wikipedia told me that "some descendants of carrots come from iran."

i can think about that when i eat lunch after i work out tomorrow. iranian carrots. that came over on a boat. and then a truck.

carrots truckin' along to the midwest. to be devoured by me.

today's post went in all kinds of directions, and i absolutely loved it. i really want to put a picture in my post because i like to do that, and that way when i post it to facebook, it's not like, my awkward face next to the link and description, but it's something awesome.

here's this picture.

for the record, my inner beard is BITCHIN'. which is why i'm so cool.

(except i'm totally not cool. here's the link to wikipedia's article about carrots.)


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