the chronicles of emily actually cleaning her room: spiderman, distraction, and the wardrobe.

this is going to be exactly what it sounds like.

i am live blogging cleaning my room.

here is today's starting picture.

for motivational purposes, i just uploaded this beauty to facebook.

i think this is my "oh shit now i have to clean my room" face.

it is exactly 1:30 pm. 

HERE WE GO.

1:52 pm. 

i haven't moved yet. time to grab a dr. pepper and turn on spiderman. i'm wondering why my spiderman DVD has a really long and obnoxious PS3 commercial before the menu.

institutionalised gender roles in america, probably.

2:04 pm.

i have come to the realisation that my brother should worship me for doing his laundry as well as my own, especially when i have other things to do, such as clean the gigantic mess that my room is in while he's at work.

for the first time in the six years that i've lived in my house (and i mean six years, we moved in six years ago TODAY) i used our utility sink in the laundry room. you know, those big scary sinks that are super deep and you clean scary stuff out in them.

my dad is the laundry master. i didn't start doing my own laundry until college. (i know. it's super sad.) i sometimes still get confused about laundry.

i spray painted an active minds shirt that says "i am an advocate" on the back wayyy back in march two days after i tore my meniscus. i was late to the spray painting party because i was in the emergency room wondering why the hell my knee hurt so damn much, and they shot me up with vicodin.

barbara escorted me to the active minds shirt painting party while i was high out of my mind. (it's hard to operate crutches on vicodin, by the way. really hard. take a friend.)

i don't really remember the spray painting party, but i do remember slurring, "spray paint it black, i want it to look metal, MAKE SURE IT LOOKS METAL."

(then barbara made sure i got to chapel in one piece and i was really too high to sing any of the songs. also, if you don't think i have a filter now, check me out when i'm drugged.)

i have been told from various sources, most of them my dad, that if you spray paint a shirt, it needs to be washed alone. i didn't want to waste money washing my awesome active minds "i am an advocate" shirt alone, so i didn't wash it at school.

which means i wore it about five times, worked out in it at least once, and slept in it probably ten times. and i just realised it was sitting on my floor.

so now it's soaking in the industrial sink looking all sad and lonely like, emily, why can't i be washed with the other laundry?!

i have this weird feeling that when i come back downstairs in an hour to change loads of laundry, all the dye is going to be seeping out of it or something and that it'll look really cool. 

i'll probably take a picture if that happens. for the permanent record of "emily cleans her room on june nineteenth, 2013."

until then, i have my dr. pepper and spiderman.

i told you my TV was from the eighties.

2:19 pm.

i have begged adam via text to give me motivation to continue cleaning my room.

he has responded with this.

SO THAT JUST HAPPENED.

2:33 pm.

erika has informed me via facebook that i would look adorable in a pillow case, so at some point this school year, i'm going to fashion a pillow case dress and fish for compliments.

i have also discovered a heat sheet from last summer's swim season and a coupon for goodwill.

and a really cool pair of earrings.

on top of these fantastic items, i have found at least ten things i forgot to wash, and of course, a decent amount of my brother's wardrobe.

do not ask me why half of my brother's closet is on my bedroom floor. i think some of it has to do with the fact that when he does laundry, he dumps all of his clothes on the landing between our rooms and he's never been very good at sorting his own laundry.

but why do i have a pair of his swim trunks?

2:46 pm.

UNCLE BENNN NOOOOO

that is all.

2:50 pm.

my laundry has been changed. my active minds shirt is weeping all by itself in the utility sink.

it's just screaming, DOES NO ONE LOVE ME?!

i'm also really appreciating the only part you can see says "ate". because i really like to eat.

while all of my clothes are in the laundry and the rest of my clothes are in various piles around my room being put away into my two dressers and messy closet, i'm wearing a skirt and a nice shirt.

basic church clothes.

i'm getting really warm. and distinctly uncomfortable. (mostly because i'm kicking up a lot of dust and i can't find my inhaler. WEEEEEZE!)

i am seriously considering taking off my skirt and finishing this task in my underwear.

AND I TOTALLY CAN BECAUSE I'M HOME ALONE, WHAT UP.

3:03 pm.

i'm home alone and i answered the phone like an adult and took a message for my parents, since they're out on a bike ride with my grandpa.

i've also decided that i'm peter parker.

gwen: what you are up today?
peter: uhhhh it's monday...
gwen: it's thursday.
peter: ... it's thursday?

and in that moment, i swear i was peter parker.

i have also shed my skirt and am cleaning in my underwear and my shirt because I AM A STRONG SENSUAL WOMAN WHO IS PROUD OF HER BODY.

3:14 pm.

i have found the kidz bop kids version of thrift shop and i AM ON THE FLOOR DYING.

(but i have clear space on my floor to die on. so that's nice.)

3:23 pm.

i have done it! i have come across...

the eighties seasonal ugly sweater collection.

the seasonal ice skates.

the penguin tartan vest of doom.

the... something that may or may not be seasonal.

and my personal favourite, THE HALLOWEEN SPIDER SENSATION.

like, i don't even know where to put these. so i might just leave them on my bed and admire them for a while. 

3:36 pm.

i just took time out of my room cleaning to make a big kid phone call.

there's a post on tumblr that goes like this: "who needs extreme sports when making an adult phone call gives me enough adrenaline to last a lifetime" and that is pretty much how i feel.

3:44 pm.

my mother is now home and just came in to check on my progress. (i put my skirt back on.)

my mother: good progress! who's that old guy on your TV that's not paying attention to spiderman and that lizard... thing?

me: that's stan lee in the greatest marvel cameo EVARRRR

my mother: who's stan lee?

me:

my mother:

me:

my mother:

me: the guy that created marvel?

my mother: oh. i'll bring you some hangers for your ugly sweaters.

my father sees me in the kitchen.

my father: you look nice in that skirt.

me: I'M OUT OF PANTS

my mother from far off: AHAHAHAHA

also, THIS just happened.

"I AM SPIDERMAN AND DATING YOUR DAUGHTER AHHHH THE LIGHT IS SO BLINDING LET ME FREEEEE"

i also sometimes wonder if rhys ifaans and andrew garfield ever gave each other beef because rhys ifaans could use his natural british accent. and sometimes i just picture andrew garfield being like, "man why does he get to stay british when i have to pretend to be american?! at least i have a great ass."

3:57 pm.

THE CRANES ARE FOR YOU, PETER!

4:03 pm.

after a long captivity inside a guitar case, clementine has emerged and been reunited with my signed limited edition iron and wine poster.

also, andrew garfield makes terrible crying noises.

why is spiderman such a sad movie?

4:14 pm.

spiderman has ended. the credit music has made me cry. i am not done cleaning my room.

on to... the lion king on VHS!

that would actually be...

NYAAAAANTS INGONYAAAAAMA BAGITHI BABAAAAA

learn your lion king, kids.

i also just finished my first load of laundry and i am back in comfy shorts and a coaching t-shirt.

i am obviously attractive when i'm ready for work three hours early.

and by attractive i mean completely and utterly unattractive. sometimes i think my nose ring is too big. then i realise that i don't care. if i want a big nose ring, i'll have a big nose ring.

(i also titled this picture EMILY FIERCELY CLEANS HER ROOM AND TAKES DOWN PATRIARCHY.)

4:28 pm.

i've taken out estlin. his broken string is really sad. so is the fact that my mom wrote "DUST ME!" down the side of him.

i need to take a mental health day to prepare myself to go to the music shop.

and then go to the music shop.

4:34 pm.

i have ventured downstairs into the serial killer room.

i have made it back alive.

i've also seriously began to wonder why the entire inside of our house is painted beige and the only rooms that aren't are my room, my brother's room, and the basement bathroom.

4:41 pm.

OH I JUST CAN'T WAAAAIT TO BE KIIIING

4:46 pm.

DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE CLEANING MY ROOM DONE DONE DONE DONE.

let's do a recap.

before: 

and after:

WHAT UP.

let it be noted that on june 19th, 2013, i, super blogger emily, cleaned my room.

and it only took three hours and a lot of distractions.

i also got through the entirety of spiderman without tweeting "THE CRANES ARE FOR YOU, PETER!"

so i'd say that today was pretty successful.