Monday, June 17, 2013

read this. later.

today i'm blogging about procrastination.

if you're reading this and procrastinating, AMEN, BROTHER. SISTER. NEBULOUS OTHER.

i am a supreme procrastinator. like, i don't even try to hide it. when i went in for my RA interview, they were like, "sooo uh, what are your greatest weaknesses?"

and i was like, "confrontation, and i procrastinate so bad." (i'm surprised they hired me.)


muggle hustle, my favourite twitter of all time, is hustling. i haven't been around for a live hustle in a while.

as you can see, we have reached the battle of hogwarts.

(if you're on twitter and not following muggle hustle, you should be. catch up on all six harry potter books tweeted here.)

i actually procrastinated on this post even more than just muggle hustle doin' his thaaaang (and making it weird). i was going to write this before work, but it's obviously like, nine thirty at night.

so that didn't work out either.

here is the perfect example of my intense procrastination as it applies to today.

the saga of "emily decides to clean her room".

it first started off with a three hour nap.

when i crawled out of bed wondering what year it was, i decided that i was going to finally get around to showering, and then i was going to clean my room. so i took a quick shower, did my hair really pretty because we had autumn ridge team pictures and i wanted to look nice, and then i took a picture of my super messy bedroom to chronicle my progress.

"emily decides to clean her room: before."

my room has been like this for two weeks. TWO WEEKS.

my mother is always asking me if it bothers me that my room is this messy. she thinks that it doesn't bother me.

to be perfectly honest, it DOES bother me that my room looks like this. i hate stepping over all of my clothes, i hate finding that the shirt that i want is wrinkled, i had losing my shoes (i found my red flip flops today after a week and a half) and i hate never knowing exactly where my work out stuff is.

but that's mostly because my work bag and my work out bag are the same. and i work out like, ten minutes after work.

but for some strange reason, no matter how much i hate having my room this messy, i can't bring myself to clean it up. i always tell myself that i can do it later.

when i became an RA, i was like, DUDE I'M GONNA KEEP THE CLEANEST ROOM!

and i did.

for like, a week.

when my meniscus was extra torn and i had that full knee brace and i was on crutches, my room was a disaster zone. and it was really easy to blame it on the crutches. because you're like, yo man, i can't like, bend my leg or put weight on it, so i obviously can just drop things where i can reach them. and i don't really need to hang up that dress i wore three days ago.

but that really wasn't an excuse for not unpacking my portland bag for like, two weeks.

so i got out of the shower today and then i was like, well i'll just get on tumblr for a minute.

ha. right.

but i did actually do something productive. as the newest president of alma college's active minds, i filled out our regional inventory so we can continue to be a gold star chapter!

yay emily did something productive! she did a thing! we're so proud of emily!

... today was the last day to fill out the inventory.

ha! i made you think i didn't procrastinate!

but i so did.

oh, here's the after picture of "emily decides to clean her room".


i ain't even mad. i told myself i'll do it tomorrow, but tomorrow i'm seeing star trek into darkness with my brocean of the ocean, and then i have a swim meet half an hour away.

if you're seeing star trek tomorrow in 2D at carmike at 12:30, don't go. because i'm going to be screaming  BENEDICT CUMBERBAAAAATCH the whole movie and then sobbing loudly.

i'll keep you posted on how that turns out.

so i didn't clean my room, oops. i've seen my grandmother like, eight times since i've returned from my month-long journey in the motherland and i still haven't given her back her purse that i used there.

i still haven't started my scrapbook.

but i have been working out like an adult, and i think that's a good thing. right? AMIRITE?

i seriously procrastinate with everything that i do in my life. blogging excluded, because i use blogging to procrastinate. (big paper coming up? blog about it. see: how to write a ten page paper here.) seriously, the first time i had a seizure convulsion thing, i didn't call an ambulance for an hour.

(that was mostly because i was screaming at my then-boyfriend that i wasn't having a seizure and i didn't want a big hoo-haa of emily gets taken out of newberry basement on a gurney and into an ambulance in front of the entire school.)

i procrastinate at work. i procrastinate leaving for class. i even procrastinate getting out of bed. like, how long can i lay in bed before i'll be late?

in high school, my alarm would go off at 6:14 and i wouldn't get out of bed until 6:40. i also used to do my homework the period before it was due.

but that was high school. high school was easy.

but THIS, what you are about to read, is my ultimate procrastinating tale, so buckle up and read it. or read it later if procrastinating is your thing too.

once upon a time i had this really big paper for my brit lit 1 class. i'd known about it the entire semester, but it was one of those "oh it's not due until november" type deals, so i didn't worry about it.

little did i know that november was going to be like, the biggest and busiest month ever, mostly because i did NaNoWriMo and i was having daily convulsions and doing lots of active minds programming and just generally being busy with everything. 

and then suddenly the due date was RIGHT THERE and i was like, OH SHIT I GOTTA WRITE THIS PAPER ABOUT SOMETHING I'VE READ IN THIS CLASS and i was like, well beowulf is pretty awesome because i like grendel and i like feminism and grendel's mom is kind of a feminist thing and there's lots of vagina imagery and i like vaginas.

beowulf. vaginas. i had an idea.

did i check out any books? do any research? nope.

instead i got a paper extension on the pretext that i needed more time to perfect it so i could submit it to a renaissance consortium.

which i did, by the way. i'm not that despicable of a human being.

my paper was now due on november 30th. 

november 29th, 10 pm.

guess who's sitting the library finally doing actual research to write this damn eight page paper?

that would be... me. you guys are so smart.

this is actually a success story that i will tell as being one of the best moments of my career as a typical college student.

i wrote an eight page paper, equipped with doing all of my research, in an hour and a half.

as my third cousin wrote on my tumblr post that said, "i just wrote an eight page paper in an hour and a half, HEAR ME ROAR":


i got mad skillz, yo.

it was partially because i knew what i wanted to say beforehand, and i got this really cool book about the great mother archetype. i also found a nice article that contrasted the women of beowulf (there are only fifteen) and how they play a role in society that is directly opposite of grendel's mother.

but the book on the great mother was pretty great. it basically was like, the womb is hell.

so i got to write about how grendel's mother's cave was basically beowulf descending into a hell vagina.

my paper got submitted and selected for the renaissance consortium. and it got an A.


i obviously didn't tell my professor.

to make this story a little bit worse, i didn't present my paper at the renaissance consortium. i had just gotten back from portland, i couldn't walk, i was trying to figure out if i needed knee surgery, and i was a week behind in my classes. i didn't have time to perfect my paper at all and i wanted to present it properly.

i still went to the consortium. i just didn't present my paper.

but it still made it and it still got an A, so what up?

(i just left this post for about fifteen minutes trolling through looking for good petitions to sign to make this country a better place before i ditch it for england. figures.)

so i found this really awesome quote that describes what procrastination actually is. because most people (mostly my mother) think it's just me not wanting to do things. but it's a lot more than that. but i can't find this really awesome quote because i didn't actually put it on my tumblr and now it's lost in cyberspace. so i'm going to sum it up.

1. people that procrastinate were often held to high standards as a child. (me.)
2. people that procrastinate were often like, really good at something when they were little and they got a lot of praise. (not to be vain, but me.)
3. people that had trait number two panicked when they got onto an even playing field and suddenly their work became average. (again. totally me.)
4. this generally means that they only want to do their best work for fear of failure, disappointing people, or themselves. (TOTALLY ME.)
5. so they procrastinate as a way to avoid this failure. (SO MUCH ME IT HURTS.)

so i really, i procrastinate because i'm worried that what i do will suck. and i hate sucking at stuff. like, i really hate sucking at stuff. i'd rather not do it than suck at it.

which isn't that great of a life philosophy. i've been trying new things and learning that it's okay to suck at them.

except sky diving. you probably shouldn't suck at sky diving. because then you'll die.

you know, i don't have a proper way to end this blog post. 

the basic gist goes like

1. emily procrastinates
2. emily blogs about procrastination
3. emily procrastinates while blogging about procrastination
4. muggle hustle is at the batle of hogwarts
5. everyone reads emily's blog about procrastination and praises it
6. emily becomes a professional blogger (that makes no money but is really happy with life)
(7. emily makes another blog list and decides not to end her sentences with periods)

and i think that's a nice ending for today. 


but actually get your shit together. that's important too. 

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