Tuesday, June 25, 2013

i started watching game of thrones. it ruined my life.

i'm caving. i'm finally blogging about game of thrones.

so like... spoiler alert or something.


my parents and my brother have read all five of the game of thrones books. i'm supposed to, but i'm totally not into that genre. i'm currently finishing the sixth book in the odd thomas series, and odd thomas is my absolutely favourite, so that's a big deal.

i'm also trying to read blindness again and that's killing me slowly.

game of thrones just isn't my genre. i'm not really into that kind of fantasy with dragons and kingdoms and castles and stuff. not for reading, anyway. i tried reading lord of the rings, but i fell asleep in moria.

it was that bad. and i mean i was that bad, not the book.

(but i read the hobbit. go me!)

my parents had watched a bit of game of thrones on some burned discs that their teacher friends gave them. my brother had watched some at alma.

my basis of game of thrones i knew from tumblr. which really meant that i knew that there were a bunch of sad looking people covered in blood and killing each other.

the other week, my mom and i were at target perusing the DVDs looking for parental guidance, because she saw that movie in the theatre with my dad and fell in love with it. i was trying really hard not buy of monsters of men, but of course that was a fail.

and suddenly game of thrones season one was there like, super on sale. and sean bean was sitting on the iron throne looking all badass and my mom was like, we gotta get this for dad for father's day.

and i was like, ONLY IF YOU LET ME WATCH IT.

so we got season one like, super duper on sale. and i know that my mother is waiting patiently, strumming her fingers evilly, just waiting for season two to go just as on sale as season one. and then she'll pounce.

my mom is the thriftiest person that i know.

so we waited two weeks until father's day. i was BURSTING to tell my dad that we had game of thrones somewhere in the basement where we could start watching it. and then finally, father's day came and my dad was super excited.

we were all super excited.

as my brother says, "the family that watches game of thrones together stays together."

this actually proved to be rather problematic. because i work at night and my parents go to bed early. by the time i get home from work, they're like, but emily, we can't stay up that late.

also, my parents watched the first episode without me while i was at a swim meet. and i came home and my mom was like, oh yeah we watched the first episod of game of thrones and i was like, WUT.

my mother: well yes.
me: but you knew how much i wanted to watch it!
my mother: well... we watched it.
my mother: watch the first episode tomorrow afternoon and then we can watch the second one together!

this, of course, made me anxious. because i didn't want to watch it alone. and for good reason.

i have finished five episodes and i am very glad that i do not watch it alone.

most of what i know about game of thrones i know from tumblr. which are these basic assumptions.

2. the lannisters suck.
3. peter dinklage is neat.
4. boobs.
5. butts.
6. swords.

since my parents have read all the books that have come out, i know a decent amount of the stuff that goes on. like, i know that ned stark dies.

you should too, he's played my sean bean.

of course he dies. SEAN BEAN ALWAYS DIES. 

the red wedding was a HUGE internet explosion. and i learned a lot of information about that. but that's not until season three, so i'll keep quiet.

last... thursday? yes. thursday. (i have checked the twitter archives.) last thursday i went downstairs to watch the first episode of game of thrones that i missed with my family.

my mom decided to watch it again. which was neat. even though she was treating me like i was about eight.

my mother: i'll tell you when to cover your eyes.
me: mom, i watched american horror story by myself.

later, when the dudes of the nightwatch are going through the woods and there are scary dead people.

me: i feel anxious.

even later.

my mother: close your eyes, there are butts.

i have a new phrase that goes something like this:


i should start over.

first off, can we just talk about the opening credits? like, they're incredible. they're all animated and awesome and they go through the seven kingdoms (i don't even know what the seven kingdoms are) and the music?!

dat cello.

then it was these dudes wandering through the woods. and they came across dead bodies that actually weren't dead and then two minutes into the episode, this douche that i didn't like got his head cut off.

like, in normal television, it pans away. but nope, his head went clean off and there was a nasty sound and a huge spurt of blood and then his head rolled away.

you see, i don't have cable. i barely know what's able to be on television, let alone HBO.

so sometimes, when i watch HBO shows, i'm like, you can say that? you can show that? you can do that? WHY IS THIS ON TELEVISION?

you know, like khal drogo taking daenerys from behind while she cried. or yesterday's full frontal nudity.

and just all the boobs in general. lots of boobs.

as someone who fangirls over TV shows to the extreme that i beat my head against a wall until fell off the couch after the hannibal finale, i'm used to episodes ending in cliffhangers.

but not cliffhangers like this.

game of thrones is a full hour episode. there are no visible places for commercial breaks, and it is the full sixty minutes. but it feels like fifteen minutes because there's so much action and death and bloodshed and sex and drinking and jousting and sassiness, the sassiness mostly from tyrion's end.

like the fifth episode. or the first. or any of them that i've seen so far, for that matter. they just end.

it reminded me of the hobbit when suddenly it was like DIRECTED BY PETER JACKSON and you're sitting there like, WUT. NO.

last night's episode. i was like, NED BABY NOOOOOO and then suddenly it cut to the credits and i was like, are you shitting me right now?!

i've been live tweeting it, and my phone autocorrect is stupid most of the time. aren't most autocorrects? so i've been taking my computer down to the basement, setting up camp on our couch from the fifties, and i've been live tweeting from actual twitter.com.

do people actually use twitter on their computers? no? just me? cool.

most of my tweets are like, OMG NO I CAN'T EVEN and UGH I REALLY HOPE THIS PERSON DIES.

game of thrones has like... five good people. and the rest are absolutely despicable. i was pointing this out the other day when we were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.

me: man i hate everyone on the show. nobody's good.
my mother: (staring gloomily out the window) yeah, and all the good people die.

gee. if the hannibal finale ruined my life, game of thrones is really going to kill me. along with everyone else. ha. haha. HAHAHAHA. (i made a joke.)

we had another discussion about this in the car going to my grandparents' house. you can say it's not fair that all the good people die, but it's kind of like under the dome. a lot of good people die in that book.

in real life, good people die every day. so do bad people. in the real world, good doesn't always triumph over evil.

no one is safe. so why should that be any different in literature and TV?

i mean, harry potter died in the seventh book. granted, it was only for a chapter, but he definitely died. he also had the choice to continue on into death or to return, and he really wanted to continue on into death.

so i'll be really upset when ned dies in the next few episodes. and when the red wedding happens, whenever i get there. but death is a thing that happens to everyone, not just the bad guys.

(that still doesn't mean that i won't scream and roll dramatically off of my couch into a temper tantrum, though. because i so will.)

and it's not just people that die in this show. in the episode i watched the other night, this jouster that's like, never lost or something? he was unseated from his horse and he lost. so what does he do?


i screamed. real loud.

that was actually more upsetting to me than the raid that happened and tyrion bashed this dude's face in with a shield.

not sure what that says about me. i'm not even a horse person.

you know, there's so much i can say about game of thrones. how everyone hates everyone and backstabs and murders and there's copious amounts of sex and swords and how robert is a terrible king and you don't want to listen to him and how joffrey is just ugh and when he becomes king i'm seriously going to start a revolution because just NO, JOFFREY, NO.

there's so much to blog about. mostly khal drogo's glorious butt. which i get to see a lot.

but alas, i can't blog about everything. i am not superwoman.

instead, i am going to end this post here and go to bed, because i am tired.

tired and excited to watch episode six.

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