Friday, June 13, 2014

i had a weird day.

it's been a weird day.

weird thing number one: i woke up at nine.


today is full day number three post accident, and let me tell you, my whiplash was worse than it was day one post accident.

so i was like, mehhh ima ignore it. get some stuff done before i go into work for eight and a half hours. hauling heavy things. pulling heavy carts. grabbing heavy boxes. i'm sure it'll be fine.

after i cleaned my room i went to the pet store, because what do you know, hamlet's light burnt out AGAIN.

they only sell crickets and lizard lights behind the counter. so i'm standing at the counter, drumming my badass manicured nails on the counter and wondering why this pet store isn't sick of me coming in and demanding crickets and always replacing my lights.

finally an older guy i've never seen waits on me. i pull out the dead bulb and ask to replace it. he gives me a new bulb and then says, "are these burning out prematurely?"

me: i got this bulb three weeks ago.
him: that's shitty.
me: no kidding.
him: maybe you need a new basking lamp.
me: i bought one of those with the bulb.
him: ...
him: i'll give you a new bulb for free.

so i walked away with a free light bulb and two dollars' worth of crickets to feed my grump.

he's so cute he's worth all the money i put into him.

the whole drive to and from the pet store, which is maybe like... five minutes tops, i was relearning how to drive my brother's car. i've spent the past year in my van and we've bonded. it felt like i hadn't driven my brother's car in forever, when really i drove it for like... six years.

the entire drive there and back i obsessed about my tire blowing and getting into another car accident.

so that's happening.

when i got home, my whiplash was like, nuh uh you are NOT working today so i called in sick. i maybe lied a little bit and said that as well as whiplash i was working on insurance issues.

... which is not true. apparently my van doesn't have collision insurance and i totalled it so like, i'm not making a claim or anything.

kroger manager: did you see a doctor?
me: yeah the paramedic on the side of the road was hella nice.
kroger manager: okay whatever don't miss tomorrow
me: kay thanks bye

then my anxiety disorder spent all day making me feel GUILTY GULTY GUILTY like it always does.

i spent the afternoon reading room, which i'm going to finish as soon as i post this, because it's SO GOOD. GO READ IT. NOW.

then i ate dinner with my family and my brother's girlfriend, gracie.

then the five of us, my grandparents, and my aunt headed to jefferson pointe, the fancy outlet mall, for friday nite live, where they have a free live band.

i'd never been before.

to the friday nite live, not the mall. i've been there. it makes me feel richer than i am when i shop there.

so we got our camping chairs from my brother's boyscout days and headed out.

my brother's driving made me motion sick and made my whiplash worse and when we got there, i asked my parents if i could ride home with them. we set up camp in the middle of the outlet mall and waited for the band to come on. they were called goodnight gracie and my mom was unreasonably excited and kept mentioning it to actual gracie at dinner.

oh, jefferson pointe looks like this.

so the band comes on and it's a chick lead singer, which is totally cool. she has a pretty good voice, which is also cool. i'm cold and not that interested and i want to be on my phone, but i know that my grandpa will totally judge me if i spend the whole time scrolling through twitter, so i politely stare ahead where my neck doesn't hurt.

goodnight gracie is one of those bands that plays covers. and nothing but covers. for two hours. the first half hour was old school stuff. stevie wonder. seventies stuff. it's pretty chill.

my mom and i here to people watch.

since going to friday nite live, i've learned that it's one of those events where it's like... ninety percent white people with no fashion sense that dance awkwardly on the sidewalk.

i'm not even kidding.

there was an old guy with shitty tattoos wearing an american flag shirt dancing like a drunk hipster. my mother kindly pointed out a woman that wasn't wearing a bra (BE FREE, MY LADY). there was a middle aged lady in pink behind us that was having the time of her life and could not stop dancing.

the fashion was unbelievable.

there were a lot of cute toddlers and i got super maternal.


yeah. that's a thing.

i sent my first snapchat video of the band doing a strange rapping mash up of "bust a move" and "ice ice baby" and labelled it "plz send halp". hannah texted me inquiring on the best way to rescue me from the concert.

there would be no rescue and it all went downhill after that.

as the temperature plummeted and i shivered in my cardigan and ass-bangin' leggings, they began to play blurred lines.


i don't want to explain how much i hate that song. like, honestly. it's absolutely despicable. gracie and i yelled at one another about how this was NOT OKAY and they should NEVER PLAY THIS SONG EVER.

i don't know what was worse, my mom dancing to it or the heavier round of applause it got when it was over.

after blurred lines, they switched to endless mash ups of "popular songs" like baby got back, lady gaga stuff, and sean kingston whatever. they kept wanting us to yell AYYYYOOOO GOTTA LET GO but the audience interaction wasn't happening.

i was embarrassed for them, i really was.

surrounded by middle aged white people and their toddlers and unhappy with the music, i got really anxious. all i wanted to do was leave and my anxiety from not going into work came back in full force.

anxiety wise, it had been a rough day and this outdoor concert of fun wasn't making it much better.

i was very relieved when my grandma said that she couldn't feel her feet and that she wanted to leave.

my question is: how did she put up with the music for so long?

furreal tho, my grandparents listen to the sirius satellite station "escape". it makes elevator music seem intense.

on the ride back, i was squished in the back of our hardly driven SUV with my aunt. my dad has driven me to like... thirty-five of the forty-three states that i've been to and i trust his driving ability completely.

that did not mean that i was not freaked out about crashing again.

like, i didn't even hit another car. just a guard rail. how long is this intense fear of driving and being in cars going to last?

i don't know. it was a weird day, you guys. a really weird day.

so here's a weird picture.

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