that's me. in my sixteen year old minivan. wearing my new badass scarf from charming charlie.
who is charlie? why is he charming? my man friend asked me this question while i waited in line to buy it yesterday.
so remember that time two weeks ago when i crashed my van into a guard rail at seventy miles an hour and it was hysterical? and i mean hysterical in the hysterical crying way, not in the hysterical laughter way?
if you don't remember, click here and read all about it!
so after i spun into a guard rail and had my van towed away and i was driven away by a police officer sobbing my head off, i spent the next two days in wixom with my long haired man friend. i had a phone number for brighton ford, where it had been towed to.
i had the personal number for some guy named brian. he sounded nice on the phone.
the day after the accident i called him and i was like, "all i need is for it to be drivable. i don't care if it looks like it just crawled out of a junk yard. i just need to be able to drive it. can this happen by tomorrow?"
sure thing, brian says. he'll hoist it up, look at the suspension, and replace the tire that exploded.
no problem.
thursday comes. i call him. is my van ready?
no, it is not.
has it been hoisted up and looked at?
no it has not.
does brian have an estimate for how much this is going to cost me?
no, he does not.
so my parents drive three hours to pick me up from wixom and three hours back to bring me home. on the way back i lounged in the back seat of their SUV and looked up used fords on my phone.
my mom was like, you can look at used hondas and stuff! and i was like, NO I HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED INTO ONLY BUYING FORDS. WE ARE A FORD FAMILY AND I WILL NOT FORSAKE IT.
my grandpa worked at ford. we're ford people through and through.
the way that the car situation is for my family is like this.
my parents drive a red focus that's a stick shift. my brother can't drive a stick. i can, but my dad doesn't trust me to drive it.
my brother drives an automatic focus that we've had since i was twelve. it's basically his car. he takes it to and from work and wherever he needs to go.
we have my parents SUV, which is only a year old and has spent most of that time sitting in the garage. it doesn't go anywhere except big trips because my parents' car doesn't have cruise control and my dad is not about that life.
am i allowed to drive the SUV?
no, i am not.
my van, my poor decrepit van, sits outside all day. but now it's two hundred miles away at a ford dealership.
i have a forty hour work week at kroger. so my dad literally drives me to and from work every day.
i feel like i'm in middle school.
on friday, my last eight and a half hour day in my forty hour work week, my schedule for next week is posted and it's like, YOU HAVE FIVE DAYS OFF and i'm like, OMG THIS IS PERFECT!
here is my master plan. my van will obviously be ready on tuesday, because it's already been there for two weeks and they've had plenty of time to work on it. when it's ready on tuesday, my parents and i will go pick it up. then i'll pick up adam and bring him home with me for fun activities! like the zoo!
last weekend comes. my dad is on the phone with brian every single day and the same conversation keeps happening.
my dad: so what's the status?
brian: uh uh uh uh uh
my dad: why isn't it fixed yet?
brian: uh uh uh uh
me in my head: what the hell are you doing with my van up there? i think the answer is nothing.
on monday night, the day before we're supposed to journey up to get adam, my dad calls brian TWELVE TIMES. when the tire exploded the fuel cap got disconnected. my van is old enough that they didn't really have a good way to replace it. but they had the part for a week and it still hadn't been put on.
my mom calls the dealership. she gets angry. she tells them not to connect her to brian because brian doesn't answer his phone anymore. (probably because he's afraid every time my dad says "hey brian, it's bill hollenberg again".)
basically this happens: WE ARE COMING UP TOMORROW TO GET OUR MINIVAN. IT NEEDS TO BE READY. WE ARE LEAVING AT NINE AND WILL BE THERE AT NOON. SOMEONE IS GOING TO PUT THE FUEL CAP ON TONIGHT. THEN TOMORROW SOMEONE WILL COME IN AND DRIVE IT TO MAKE SURE THAT IT WORKS. THEN YOU WILL CALL US BEFORE NINE AND WE WILL COME GET IT.
at nine thirty on tuesday they call us and tell us that the power steering doesn't work.
the power steering part is obsolete.
the struggle of driving a sixteen year old vehicle was never more real.
i was really pissed. i cried. i was supposed to pick up adam and bring him home. i cried some more.
then i took my brother's car and got him anyway.
we spent tuesday, wednesday, and thursday together driving my brother's car. we went to the zoo. we went shopping. we had a lot of fun. we kissed a lot. it was super happy.
this morning my dad called the dealership again. they had found a random power steering part that would work. my dad told them that we were coming to get the van today. we'd be there at four and that if it wasn't done by then, there would be hell to pay.
we got there at four thirty this afternoon.
people were still working on it.
total problems with my van since crashing it into a guard rail:
1 replaced tire
1 replaced headlight
1 replaced fuel cap
1 replaced power steering part
900 dollars of total cost
and this took TWO AND A HALF WEEKS?
i had spent the last two weeks looking at used cars and secretly wanting to get one. i had found a really cute focus stationwagon for under five thousand dollars and i wanted to test drive it.
but as soon as i laid eyes on my van, my wonderful minivan that isn't even really mine, all thoughts of getting my own car left my mind and i literally hugged my van. i stood there and i hugged the butt of it.
then adam and i sat on the sidewalk behind it while my dad talked to brian inside of the dealership.
my guess is that my dad laid it on pretty thick as to why this took so goddamn long and why they replaced the battery when they didn't need to. because that happened. the old battery was sitting in the passenger seat.
my dad did not pay for the new battery. i also do not believe that he paid for the towing bill.
brian gave me my keys and i almost cried. adam and i got in my van and the first thing i did was take a selfie from the front seat. he rolled his eyes at me and refused to get in the picture with me.
then i rolled my van onto 96 and we headed to wixom.
it rode so smoothly for a sixteen year old van! the new headlight looked wonderful! the new tire was ugly but functional! i didn't crash into any guard rails!
the best part was my CD was still in the player and started up on the same song i was singing when i crashed. YEAH BUDDY.
my van is back. unless it gives me any more weird problems or i crash it again (reminder that the crash was not my fault!) i won't get a new car.
i still secretly want one.
but god i love my crimson avenger.
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