uh. spoilers. probably. or something. whatever.
orange is the new black.
soooo i've had a stolen netflix account for a while. (did i just admit that online?) like, my now ex-boyfriend had a friend that has a netflix account and he made a facebook group like yo share my netflix so i borrowed it from my ex when we were dating and now i have this netflix account.
one time it didn't get paid. but for the most part, i've had it for like... two and a half years or something.
i don't know the guy who pays for it. but his username is sam sucks cock and it's always refreshing to see when i want to watch something.
if i log out, i'm toast. will i actually pay for my own netflix if i ever get logged out?
we'll see.
backtracking to last summer. i was on tumblr and all of a sudden, as tumblr is rather famous for... there's porn.
except this wasn't porn. this was taylor schilling and laura prepon having intense shower sex and then i was like, IS THIS A TV SHOW?
and then it kept showing up and it was called orange is the new black, a netflix original, and i was like, hmmmm i should try this out.
so i did. i had a week before i went back to alma for senior year and it was only thirteen episodes. so why the hell not?
i didn't really know what i was getting myself into.
i'd like to think that as a product of american television and consumerism, i'm pretty used to seeing graphic and violent things. like, hello, i love game of thrones probably more than i'll love my first born child. (god i hope that's not true.)
but i start watching orange is the new black and it kind of broke down like this.
on a scale of one to ten.
game of thrones nudity: 3
orange is the new black nudity: 7
orange is the new black season two nudity: 9
game of thrones sex: 4
orange is the new black sex: 8
orange is the new black season two sex: 7
game of thrones obscenities: 7
orange is the new black as a whole: 10000
IT'S SO PERFECT FOR ME, YOU GUYS.
if you have no idea what orange is the new black is, i suggest you watch it. if you don't have netflix, i suggest you find it somewhere else online. and make sure wherever you find it, it has subtitles because believe it or not, a show about women in a minimum security prison actually has a lot of languages.
the primary ones being spanish and russian. we can't forget about healy's russian mail-order bride. she's actually one of the sadder parts of the show.
i got sucked into orange is the new black really fast. to be honest, i'm not much of a fan of the show's protagonist, piper chapman. not at all, if we're gonna be real about this.
so it's a good thing that the show focuses on all of the women and they are all treated as individuals.
since we all know what happened to piper to land her in prison (dating a super hot drug smuggler, alex vause), we're left to wonder how all of the other women ended up in litchfield correctional. lucky for us, every single episode we learn about the background of one inmate.
and it's awesome.
piper is whiny and boring. her love life is interesting because she goes in with a fiance but then meets up with alex and they have a lot of kinky washing machine lesbian sex and then her fiance finds out and then it's like, WOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN PIPER'S LOVE LIFE but other than that... she's pretty boring and she tends to make everything about her.
it's really hard for me to pick my favourite inmate, if we're gonna be honest.
there's red, the hard russian woman that used to run the kitchen. she's really intense.
there's a nun. seriously. and she's pretty awesome.
nikki and morello make a good pair as a former heroin addict and a stalker, and suzanne always breaks my heart, especially when everyone calls her crazy eyes and she wants piper to be her prison wife. taystee and poussey make a great team, and things get intense when they get split up in season two.
poussey's backstory was heartbreaking and wonderful and i want the entire show to be about her. she's coming back as a series regular for season three, which means she'll be in every episode, HOLLA.
so many wonderful things happen in this show.
so many shitty things happen in this show.
friendships get ruined, prison guards are horrible to inmates, there's embezzlement and other things happening to make litchfield not such a good place, there's inmate mistreatment, there are fights and women rying to kill each other, people get transferred, people get sent to maximum security prison, and all kinds of other things.
but you know what orange is the new black does that is awesome?
IT'S A SHOW ENTIRELY ABOUT WOMEN. ALL WOMEN. ALL THE TIME.
for one of the first times ever, there is a show dedicated entirely to women. about their lives. about their lives in prison and about their former lives.
it's so awesome.
not to say that it's totally devoid of men. there's caputo, who's like a kind of assistant warden guy, and there's healy, who's piper's counsellor. they're obviously a part of the narrative. (i don't even wanna get into mendez, aka pornstache.)
but it is a show about women. and women being women.
it's just so... refreshing.
i fell in love with how real and how visceral it is. women holed up together in inhumane circumstances trying to survive. learning all of their backstories. learning to love them. seeing them as people and not just as criminals.
AGH I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH.
yeah, there's a lot of lesbian sex and a lot of nudity (mostly female but season two features a gay male spa) and a lot of swearing including an old woman yelling the c word in the cafeteria.
but it's a wonderful show. it's hilarious. it's heartwarming. it's gut-wrenching.
IT'S REAL AND I'M TOTALLY ENAMOURED, OKAY.
LIKE, JUST GO WATCH. I CAN'T EVEN FINISH THIS BECAUSE JUST LIKE... GO WATCH IT PLZ.
KAY THANKS.
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