GUESS WHO'S BACK? (it's not slim shady.)

DID YOU THINK I WAS GONE FOREVER?!

you probably did, seeing as i haven't blogged since FEBRUARY.

i thought i was gone too. it's fine if you were like, "JEEEEEZ EMILY'S GONE FOREVER, NOW I HAVE NOTHING ENTERTAINING TO READ."

(for the record, there are SO MANY entertaining things to read. things that are far more entertaining than this blog. so read those instead. i would highly suggest sue monk kidd's the invention of wings.)

anywhoo. I'M BACK.

yeah, that's me. i haven't changed much. i have a nose stud instead of ring and it physically pains me and my hair is too long, but yep, that's me. 

so fast forward from a bunch of stuff that happened in february, march, april, and may, and zoom to today.

picture this.

i'm standing in a kroger super marketplace. like, one of those krogers that has furniture and a pharmacy and a jewellery store. 

i'm perusing through some cut salads. you know, those cut salads that come in a bag for lazy people. (my mother is not one of those lazy people. she buys actual lettuce and chops it up to make a salad.) 

and while i'm perusing these salads, i look at my phone and the little calendar on there says 1.

a big fat one.

and i was like, HOLY SHIT IT'S JUNE, IT'S JUNE, I GOTTA BLOG EVERY DAY.

what is this, like... my fourth year doing this? ja. fourth year in a row blogging every day in the month of june.

so here i am, blogging.

what i didn't tell you about that scene i just described, where i was perusing salads, was that i wasn't just perusing them.

I WAS TOTALLY STOCKING THEM BECAUSE I WORK AT KROGER NOW GOTCHA!

we'll get to that. i have another twenty-nine posts to talk about it in. also this is incentive for you to keep reading my daily blog posts to boost my morale and maybe get me hired in a real job doing real blogging.

keepin' it real, you guys.

let's rewind a little bit and do something that i haven't done before on this almost five year old blog of mine.

i'm going to make a list of things i'll blog about.

i know, i know, i make lists all the time. but honestly, the only time i ever make lists is on this blog, or when i go grocery shopping when i'm at college. 

i also make lists of things i'm going to blog about, and i save them to my computer under a heading that's like IT'S JUNE TIME AND IT'S LATE AND YOU CAN'T THINK SO THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BLOG ABOUT but i often don't share those.

but i've been gone for four months. that's a long time. a lot can happen in four months. and a lot of things did happen these past four months, which is why i now have so much to blog about and now you can get a preview of what's to come!

here is why a preview is a good thing in the form of an emily blogging list.

1. you can see what i'll be blogging about!

2. when you see what i'll be blogging about, you'll want to keep reading my posts!

3. when you see what i'll be blogging about, you'll never want to read my blog again!

4. when you see what i'll be blogging about, you'll call the police on me!

(i'm really hoping that i'm kidding with number four. hoping real hard.)

so here's some stuff that's happened in the past four months that i'll be blogging about. probably. maybe. i don't know. i'm not consistent.

1. well i kind of GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE SOOOOOOOO

2. bar crawling. yep.

3. new boyfriend?

4. last senior semester!

5. birdhouses. and paint. and more birdhouses.

6. orange is the new black because YES.

7. singing singing singing.

8. working at kroger. (lol.)

9. moving back home because that kinda sucked.

10. obviously my birthday because that's in two days.

11. whatever else i can remember from the past four months that i can make amusing.

number eleven reminded me of something. when i was meeting with my therapist at school, she was all like, 'why do you blog' and i was like 'why don't you' and she was like 'answer the question' and i was like 'because shitty things happen to me and i can make them funny and then people can laugh at my pain and tell me that i made them laugh' and she was like 'but you're still in pain' and i was like 'ehhhhhhhh whatever!'

moving on.

12. this really cool moth that i saw the other day. it deserves its own post.

13. ALL OF THE WEDDINGS BECAUSE EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED AND I'M NOT

14. my ethereal transition into a bitter old woman

15. some interesting times watching a cannibal on television with a lizard

16. uhhhhh graduate school

17. big kid life and how i haven't entered it

18. SOMETHING SUPER SECRET THAT'LL BE REALLY EXCITING.

eighteen things. i think that's enough, right? that gives me some wiggle room for something awesome to happen and for me to stop whatever i'm doing and be like, OH DUDE I HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THIS.

like when i was pretending to peruse salads when i should've been stocking them and i was like, DUDE I GOTTA BLOG.

this blog was not about salads. maybe i've failed.

june snuck up on me, kids. i came home from work today and there was a birthday cake sitting on the kitchen counter and i was like, who's birthday is it? and then i was like, OH MY GOD, EMILY, IT'S YOURS, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

i don't have my shit together. (when do i ever?) but hopefully getting back into blogging will help with that.

i know that this post isn't really about anything specific, just a big HEY I'M BACK LET'S GET CRACKIN' kind of a deal.

BUT I'M BACK AND I'M READY TO BLOG AGAIN. i hope you're still with me, faithful readers. i really am sorry that i haven't blogged in this long. please know that it was physically painful and i just legitimately did not have the time, trying to graduate from college and everything.

i love you, dear readers, and i really hope that we'll get through this blog everyday in june GO! challenge together like we have for the past three years.

I'M BAAAAAACK AND LET'S BOOGEY!