the fault in my tear ducts.

the sobbing was unbelievable.

i'm sure you, you smart reader, know exactly where this is going.

two summers ago, i got the fault in our stars from the library and i read it in one sitting. like, four hours of constant reading until it was done.

i cried. i stomped around my kitchen and made animal screeches while my parents stared at me. then i stomped back upstairs and didn't come down until dinner.

but here's my unpopular opinion: i think that looking for alaska is sadder than the fault in our stars.

like, at least in the fault in our stars you know what's coming. you just have to walk down the path to get there.

OH, SPOILERS AHEAD AND STUFF. IF YOU DON'T WANT STUFF SPOILED... GO AWAY.

this has been a friendly PSA from your friendly neighbourhood blogger, emily.

i got the fault in our stars for christmas of 2012. actually, i got all of john green's books except for will grayson will grayson (which is only half his, respectively). i only got halfway through because of factors that were out of my control. it was sad. the factors, not the book.

john green has a tumblr, which i follow. he is decidedly tumblr famous. (besides being like... actual famous.)

tumblr is a very critical place. and i mean critical by like... WE ARE THE SOCIAL JUSTICE BLOGGERS AND IF YOU ARE WHITE AND STRAIGHT AND CISGENDERED THEN WE HATE YOU.

tumblr is full of pepole that love john green and it's full of people that hate john green and the tropes of his books and stuff. i try to stay out of it.

i like his books. in terms of social justice, there's always room for improvement.

(you should take the time to read this article about john green and the YA genre, by the way. it's great. click here. but finish my blog first, pretty please?)

no matter what flak john green's been getting on the world's most politically correct website and other places, i knew that i wanted to see the fault in our stars simply because it looked good.

so hannah and i went.

we met at carmike last night for the seven o'clock showing. i already had the witty title of this post figured out. (points for me.)

hannah was late. i was standing in the theatre feeling decidedly awkward and anxious because there was a huge line of teenage girls getting tickets for the movie, i wanted decent seats, and these high school kids were staring at me.

i do not look twenty-three. i admit that. i look younger. but like, do you have to stare at me and giggle? i am not in high school with you.

a set of anxious turned empowering tweets ensued.

@emilyyxh: why are these high school kids at the theatre staring at me
@emilyyxh: GO AWAY HIGH SCHOOL KIDS MY BUTT LOOKS GREAT IN THESE LEGGINGS

remember when i made fun of people that wear leggings as pants?

THAT SHIT IS AMAZING. WEAR THEM AS PANTS ALL THE TIME.

hannah came and we waited in line and complained about our respective work situations, even though hannah's is in her field and she actually enjoys it. we got our tickets. we found decent seats in a crowded theatre.

most of the trailers sucked. i'm actually interested in a new movie with daniel radcliffe. way to break out of being a child star, dan.

then the movie started and people were already crying.

THE BEGINNING IS THE HAPPY PART! she doesn't even know augustus! she's angsty and watches america's next top model! her mother is adorable! why are you crying already?!

i guess there's the part that she's inevitably going to die in like, the next two or three years, but she's not crying about it, so.

everyone is always like, AUGUSTUS IS SO CUTE and although i believe that the casting for the movie was pretty much one hundred percent perfect, ansel elgort was not that attractive in my opinion.

most attractive person in the movie: hazel's dad. that hair, man. it was glorious.

hands down, the best part about the movie besides the sexual tension between augustus and hazel and how well that chemistry worked, was the soundtrack.

like, OH MY GOD THE SOUNDTRACK.

i got back from the movie last night and i listened to it over and over and over.

halfway through the movie, well i guess more than halfway because gus was like, LOL MY BODY IS MADE OF CANCER and hazel is like, THIS IS NOT AN LOL SITUATION I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE BEFORE YOU and he's like, LOL NOPE WRITE ME A EULOGY PLZ, they played "all i want" by kodaline.

which is one of my favourite songs.

that was when i cried. not because of what was happening on screen, but because i was so fuggin' excited about the song.

hannah started crying. pretty early. about the time that augustus was like, oops i have cancer again.

other people started crying earlier.

like, i was six when titanic came out. i didn't see it until i was like... ten and it was on VHS.

but all the random crying in the theatre probably had to be in par with titanic.

there's a scene where they go to anne frank's house. i got really excited because i've been to amsterdam and i've been to anne frank's house. it was totally awesome. but i went ten years ago so i don't necessarily remember it perfectly.

emily's inner dialogue:

yessss all the stairs! wait was that room really that colour? i don't think they had her voice streaming throughout the house. i don't remember that room. why is there a ladder? did i climb up a ladder? did they change how they did the whole museum because i don't remember this at all. oh my god i went ten years ago. i don't remember anything. oh my god i have to go back.

that happened.

so now gus is dying. he's in a wheelchair because he can't walk. hazel is writing him a eulogy, which is like, word for word from the book. the whole car/gas station scene was really painful. everyone was crying.

except me?!?!!!!

i cried harder during the amazing spider-man two. honestly. i did.

hannah is next to me flat-out sobbing at augustus's funeral and everyone else is like, OMG THE TEARS THE TEARS and i'm sitting there feeling like i'm going to cry but nothing is coming out of my tear ducts.

are they broken?

i highly doubt it. i cry all the time. like, ALL THE TIME. over the stupidest shit. i cried yesterday when the costco gas pump shut off ten gallons too early.

but i'm not crying during the most EMOTIONAL MOVIE OF THE YEAR?!!?!!!!

i've decided there is nothing wrong with me. i don't have to follow the masses and cry.

I CAN BE HAPPY WITH MY MOVIE-GOING EXPERIENCE WITHOUT HAVING FLOODED THE THEATRE WITH TEARS, OKAY?!

hannah was pretty miserable. we went back to my house and played with hamlet to cheer her up.

we always wait for the end of the credits. credits are amazing and i love them. while we were waiting, i stood up and stretched and sniffled (that was about as close to crying as i got) and i looked behind me and there was a girl holding onto her boyfriend just totally dissolved in tears. it looked like someone close to her had died.

i felt really bad and kind of like a shitty person for not crying then.

but i am human and i do not have to cry at the year's most emotional movie. i've read the book multiple times and i knew everything that was coming. (although, arguably, so did like, ninety percent of the people in the theatre.)

when looking for alaska becomes a movie, i'll probably cry really hardcore.

that shit is sad, man.

BUT NOT AS SAD AS