Tuesday, June 9, 2015

i've been a little unlucky lately.

i wasn't really sure that i would be able to post this today, at least not without extreme difficult and inconvenience. it's been an interesting day.

so now i get to tell you about it.

i guess my luck started yesterday when i showed up to my linguistics class without my homework.

i looked at the syllabus on sunday when i was doing the homework. according to what i read, it wasn't due until tuesday. but because this week is the going to be the longest week of my summer, i decided to do the homework on sunday night, then email it to my dad so he could print it off at school for me.

i did this for two reasons.

1. my laptop refuses to hook up to our printer.
2. i have no idea where to find a printer at IPFW, the college where i'm taking my class.
3. our printer at home is low on toner and is just kind of a pain in the ass in general.

it's a good thing i didn't get a degree in math.

anyway, i'm sitting in linguistics and my professor, whose kids dance at the ballet school that i work at, is like "turn in your homework, nerds" and i'm like, "OH SHIT I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE IT ON ME?"

so after class i'm like "omg i misread the syllabus but here's proof that i did it?" and i show him the email of it that i sent to my dad. and then he's like, "wtf why did you email it to your dad" and i was like, "SOME OF US DON'T HAVE FREE PRINTING."

my luck continued when i got the ballet to work from 3:30 until 7:30. both of the printers weren't working.

uhhhhhh we use the printers like, A LOT.

today i worked at the ballet from 9 until noon. then i went to class from 12:30 until 3. i had half an hour before i had to go back to the ballet between 3:30 and 6:45, so i decided to get gas.

this was probably a good idea, because my fuel light had been on for a while.

i'm that person that like, perpetually rides on their fuel light. you would think that i wouldn't do this because of my anxiety disorder, but i genuinely don't remember to get gas until my fuel light is on.

and then when it comes on, i'm like, "oh, yeah, well, i don't really have time right now? so i'll just do it like... after i drive to work and class twice more."

my van, my blessed seventeen year old van that has a bumper held together by duct tape and only one hubcap, can go 40 miles on the fuel light.

i have done it before. i do not recommend the experience.

i generally know how far i can go before i'll run out of gas. i've never run out of gas. fortunately.

i'll probably do that soon, though. that'll be a post for later.

so after class i head to costco to get gas and mooch off my parents' costco membership. i sit in afternoon traffic in front of the mall and manage to make the left turn arrow into the parking lot.

i creep up to the gas station and...

there's a cop car blocking the entrance.

i pull up to the cop car and the gas station attendant and he's like "hey there ma'am" and i'm like "i'm not a ma'am?" and then i'm like "wait i'm an adult i am a ma'am" and he says "all of our pumps are down".

me: yeah okay.
him: it might be up in a minute, it might take a few hours, we're not sure.
me: that's okay, thanks!

soooo i'm back at work. the printers are up and running again (yay!) and once i get done everything i need to get done, i work on my linguistics homework, which is really fun, by the way. and i have time to blog on the ballet computer, but that feels skeevey and i don't really wanna do it. so i look at pictures of dogs and tweet for a bit.

before i leave i check my gasbuddy app to make sure that costco is up and running.

it is. i get gas. it's the cheapest in fort wayne and i feel powerful.

in another stroke of misfortune, this one spanning the entire summer, there is a road next to my house. my neighbourhood empties out onto it. here are the places i go to when i take that road.

1. the ballet.
2. my other job at the natatorium.
3. my chiropractor.
4. my church.
5. literally everywhere i need to drive except the grocery store or hannah's house.


so coming home from costco i take the highway. i get off at the exit about a half mile from my house, which is a diverging diamond intersection. it's less than a year old and it's hella weird because you cross onto the opposite side of traffic. my grandpa complains about it a lot because he's old and doesn't like change, but it greatly improves traffic flow on and off the highway.

here is a helpful map.

i am the red car at the lower middle. i must come off the highway to the left, and take the purple route to the left. i have gotten used to this.

i pull up to the traffic light. and the power is out.

diverging diamonds are hard for people when there is a traffic light.

it's almost impossible when you have to treat stuff as a four way stop.

luckily for me, there was like, no traffic so i inched my way through it, hoping that i wasn't going to get in a head on collision.

the next few traffic lights were all out. the starbucks sign didn't have any power. my garage door wouldn't open.

so i came inside, yelling for my brother so he could tell me how long the power had been out.

was he home?


were my parents home?


i don't mind being home alone. i'm not afraid of being murdered or anything. but i do get lonely when i'm home alone because i'm an extroverted introvert who likes to talk to people in small, safe settings.

i'm also okay being without power for a while. i have an entire bookshelf to read.

however, today i was not okay not having power because:

1. i didn't know how long it had been out, which means i had no idea how long my lizard had been in his tank without heat.
2. i did not have internet and i needed to blog.

i stole my mom's ipad and planned to download the blogger app and painstakingly blog from that.

without the internet the app store couldn't open.

i took hamlet out of his tank and snuggled him between my boobs. he didn't like that very much until he realised it was warm, and then he got really comfy and tried to fall asleep, but i kept moving around too much.

i took out my phone. i used to have the blogger app on my phone, but it wasn't very good, so i deleted it. i went to re-download it. texted my man friend. told him of my angst. wished i had hot water so that i could make hamlet take a hot bath to warm him up.

my phone showed me twenty percent battery as the blogger app took longer and longer to download.

my phone was gonna die before i could blog.

by now i've been home for half an hour. normally, hamlet's tank is 110 degrees over his basking spot. it now read the same temperature as my house and i was beginning to freak out.

like, realistically, i knew that hamlet would probably be fine. bearded dragons can hang out without their lights on for a while. i've had hamlet out of his tank for more than an hour before.

but i had absolutely no idea how long we'd been without power and he didn't feel particularly warm to me while he was snuggling in my boobs.

so i called hannah on my dying phone and asked if i could bring hamlet over to warm him up and bum her internet to blog.

she told me she was at her boyfriend's apartment. it didn't have internet, but i could bring hamlet, charge my phone, and blog on there. and i was like, "YOU ARE A LIFESAVER."

so what do i do? i load hamlet up into his old tank and seatbelt him into my van.

this is what hamlet looks like when he travels. except now that's he's three times this size, he travels in a ten gallon tank and takes up most of it. and he's normally a lot less happy.

i load hamlet up, seatbelt him in, grab his light and nestle it in the middle bench in my coat so i don't break the filamets in the lightbulb.

and i head out into the world.

i turn out of my neighbourhood and the first traffic light is like, 50 yards ahead. as i approach it, it flashes yellow and then turns green.


i hang a relatively illegal u-turn and head straight back to my house. the garage door opens! the appliances have power! i run upstairs and my computer has internet!


i get hamlet back into his tank, turn on his light, and put him on his log so he can bask. by now he's super mad and grumpy because it's past his bedtime and he should be curled up in the corner.

he's currently wide awake and trying to claw at me through the glass. what a grump.

i plug in my phone, call hannah and let her know that the power came back right when i was heading out and now everything is fine and dandy.

crisis averted.

it's been a weird day. but it's almost over now, this post is done, and i can go to bed like an old woman.

old lady status is the best status.

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