Tuesday, June 2, 2015

post-grad weirdness.

today in adulting with emily: weird habits that you develop after college.

in college you develop a lot of strange habits. i had a lot of weird habits in college. most of them came from the fact that i lived by myself for two out of the four years, and my last year i lived in an apartment with my own room, so i could be weird if i shut the door.

i was also weird in the living room. we were a weird apartment.

some weird things that i did in college, particularly my senior year:

1. wandered around in my boyfriend's sweater, eating yoghurt, and hoping that this would help me complete my senior thesis

2. strained a box of macaroni and cheese in my bathtub while wearing a business suit and high heels

3. found a packet of poptarts. in my bed. more than once.

4. carried a stuffed animal around with me during the last week of classes

5. skipped around the library at twelve thirty in the morning

6. ignored my homework by painting birdhouses

7. ate frosting from the can for dinner

i had some really good times in college. 

now that i've spent a year in the working world, i've developed some different habits. these have also been influenced by the fact that i still live with my two parents and my twenty-five year old brother.


1. showering with the lights off.

honestly, this is something that i started doing in high school but i most definitely did not do it in college. my bathroom at home doesn't have any windows, so as soon as you shut the door, it's pretty much pitch black.

there's something really nice about listening to music way too loudly, lathering up your hair, and NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE ANYTHING that's really relaxing.

until you get shampoo in your eyes or put conditioner on your loufa. then it's not so relaxing.

2. hoarding poptarts.

since i will be moving out in the next two months, it has occurred to me how freaking expensive poptarts are. it has also occurred to me how much i eat them.

like, a lot.

i go grocery shopping with my mom for a few reasons. one, i like to spend time with my mother. two, if we go late enough at night, i have some influence over what she buys. and three, it's preparing me for when i'm grocery shopping for myself.

i now spend a decent amount of time looking for poptarts coupons and looking for sales. then i can run up to my mother like POPTARTS ARE ON SALE, LET'S STOCK UP! because soon, i won't be able to afford them.

also, when we only have one packet left and i don't want my brother to eat them, i hide them in my lunchbox so i get them ALL TO MYSELF.

3. going to bed at ten and getting up at seven thirty.

i spent the past school year working at a ballet school. i was the morning administrative assistant and opened up the building for the academic day. this required me to get up at six fifteen every morning and be at work at seven twenty. now that it's the summer and i don't need to be at the ballet until nine, i've been going to bed at ten and getting up at seven thirty.


this is genuinely exciting to me. and it feels really good. like, it actually feels like sleeping in.

4. peeing with the door open.

this is by far the weirdest one and i don't really know when it started.

my mother has been peeing with the door open for most of my life. i don't run into her because in both of the houses that i've lived in, she's had a master bathroom in which to do this, but occasionally she'll use the half bath by the kitchen. you'll be walking toward the basement and it's like, OH HEY MOM, I SEE THAT YOU'RE PEEING.

i used to shut the door and latch it. then i spent a few years just casually closing it where it wasn't latched and occasionally it would open a wee bit, but not enough to see in.

now i just don't bother shutting the door or even turning on the light.

it's like, i have to pee! there is my bathroom. i will enter the bathroom and pee. and there's absolutely no thought about bothering to turn on the light or shut the door.

the worst part is i live in a household of four people, including me, and this does not deter me one bit. my brother's room is directly across from mine. between our rooms is our bathroom. my brother will be sitting at his computer and i will get up and pee. without closing the door. (he can't see in.)

the other day i did this and he shouted, "YOU'RE AS BAD AS MOM, WHEN DID YOU START DOING THIS" and i was like, "DON'T DULL MY SPARKLE, BRO" and he was like, "YOU ARE LITERALLY PEEING WITH THE DOOR OPEN FIVE FEET AWAY FROM ME."

it's not like i'm a nudist or anything. but nude cruises are on the rise and i would like to take one.

i just... i don't know. i just don't shut the door anymore.

i mean, i close stall doors in public bathrooms. that's weird. but if i'm home... nah.

some habits that i should probably actually get into would be exercising regularly, controlling the amount of netflix that i watch, reading more books, and vacuuming my room more than once a year.

we all have weird habits. i knew a guy that collected his toenails in a jar.

... i really hope you don't do that. that's a little too weird.

reel that in, son. reel that in.

No comments:

Post a Comment